The truth is too big. Too complicated. I’m thinking about the way you smell like citrus. The sound you make when you laugh. I’m thinking about your hands on my shoulders and the way you looked at me like I was worth something. I’m thinking about how terrified I am that this is real and how I’m even more terrified that it’s not.
I can’t say any of that.
I type something simpler instead.
Me:That you make things easier.
Winnie:Things?
Me:Everything.
The three dots appear. Disappear. Appear again. I watch them like my life depends on it.
Then her reply comes through.
Winnie:You make everything easier too.
I read the words again; they settle somewhere warm under my ribs.
My phone buzzes again.
Winnie:Where are you?
Me:Poker night. Archer’s place.
Winnie:You went to poker night?? Who are you and what have you done with Banks?
I almost smile. Almost.
Me:Zayden made me.
Winnie:Sure he did. Did you have fun?
I think about it—the ribbing from Logan, the quiet conversation with Archer, the strange, unfamiliar feeling of being surrounded by people who seem genuinely happy for me.
Me:Maybe.
Winnie:Look at you, growing as a person.
Me:Don’t get used to it.
Winnie: Too late. I have expectations now.
I do smile this time. Alone on Archer’s porch, in the dark, smiling at my phone like an idiot.
Winnie:Get home safe, okay?
Me:Okay.
Winnie:Goodnight, tough guy.
Me:Goodnight, Win.
I sit there for a long time after, phone in hand, rereading the conversation.
You make everything easier too.
Maybe Archer’s right. Maybe I am less clenched. Maybe this thing with Winnie—whatever it is—is worth protecting.