Page 12 of Pin My Alpha
Milo:Benji.
Benji:What? They’re nice. It’s what he would have wanted.
Soren:I haven’t heard him come in, maybe he slipped in late? ??
Jude:NO ONE JUST GOES HOME. HE GOT STOOD UP. HE STAYS OUT OF SPITE. IT’S HIS ENTIRE BRAND.
Benji:he has a point.
Milo:Has anyone actually tried calling him?
Jude:YES. THREE TIMES. HE’S SCREENING MY CALLS.
I sit at the desk, phone in hand, staring at the blinking cursor in the group chat. What do I even type? I did something stupid. I almost write it. Then I erase it. I got claimed. The words feel like poison just thinking them.
The cursor blinks. Patient. Accusatory.
I know exactly what would happen. Jude would send a string of key-smash gifs and demand a full report in all caps. Milo would text me privately to ask if I’m okay, his gentleness a weapon I have no defense against. Benji would find a way to make it brutally funny, which I’d need before I could let it be real.
And some small, stupid part of me would be waiting for them to say it’s okay. That Declan is a good thing.
That’s the part I hate the most.
My phone buzzes again.
Jude:if you're alive, react to this with literally any emoji
I manage a thumbs-up.
Jude:OH MY GOD HE'S ALIVE
Benji:Bare minimum achievement unlocked.
Milo:Are you okay?
The question lands hard. I type back before I can think about it. Fine. Went home. Needed sleep. It’s not even a lie. I did go home. I desperately need sleep.
Jude:did you at least hook up with Declan before you fled the premises
I just look at the words.
Shay:Go to bed.
Jude:THAT IS NOT A NO
Benji:Oh, he fucked Bar Daddy.
Soren:benji ??
Benji:He did though.
Milo:We can talk tomorrow. No pressure.
There it is. The escape hatch. The offer of quiet understanding that I absolutely cannot handle right now. I flip the phone face-down on the desk before I’m tempted to use it.
Coffee. I need coffee. Coffee is a system. Beans, water, heat. A predictable outcome.
I start to pull the Henley over my head and stop, the motion arrested by a sudden, hollow cold. My own body makes a low noise of protest in my throat.
