Page 263 of Seasons of War
She sighed too. “I'm glad you came back.”
His eyes shifted in her direction, but he didn't turn his head to see her. “I shouldn't have left in the first place.”
“It's hard for you not to fight.”
“It's hard to do absolutely nothing.”
Soft fingers slid up the bottom of his palm and forced his grip on the fence to loosen. “Then do something.” Kira tugged on his hand, and he relented, watching her drag it to the other side of her head. “Make me feel safe.”
Pain cut through his chest and loosened his shoulders. His eyes met hers now, seeing how much she hurt. How tired and fearful she looked.
She slid her back against the fence and worked between his arms.
“Don't let anything near me,” she said. “I need a few minutes to let my guard down.”
Zayne held the fence on either side of her, his mask fully unraveled now. Her softness spread through his body and relaxed his muscles. “You don't need to calm me down.”
“Did you not hear me say I need this? Keep your arms right there and don't let anyone near me, no matter who it is. Give me five minutes where I'm untouchable.”
“Okay.” His throat burned. “You're untouchable. I don't care who comes right now. I'll kill them.”
Oh, he meant those words.
He meant them enough to scare him.
The closeness of her body only heated the flames consuming him, but having her near also forced gentleness into him. It was the kind of conflicting feeling only she could evoke.
“Do you feel safe now?” He asked it as tenderly as he'd touched her injured face.
She held his stare. “Yes.”
Her tears fell.
His gaze traced their path helplessly, and rapid flashes of her lips and tongue and sweet taste flitted unbidden through his mind. How softly and deeply she kissed at the same time. All her contradictions. But those were the fleeting memories.The ones pounding in his chest, refusing to leave, ripped wide every wound inside him. He remembered her every act of kindness and courage. Every time she'd ever cried. Her words painting all those skies.
Kira wanted desperately to live, but she kept sacrificing herself to save the innocent people the Phaedra used her to hunt and threaten. She sacrificed herself to help Zayne use his position to tear apart the empire from within. How badly must that have hurt? Abandoning all her hopes for the future for people she didn't know.
This place had broken her. It had broken her apart until all that remained was the truest kernel of her spirit.
If anyone deserved to live, it was her.
That was his war now.
He gripped the rungs on either side of her harder, that incessant pull tugging, tugging, tugging at him. Waiting for a moment of weakness to make him lose himself, his sensibilities, and hold her close—hold her so tightly no one could ever hurt her again. If Zayne mastered anything in life, it was slicing away layers of himself so he couldn't hear his thoughts or desires, but everything inside of him screamed that if he touched her, he would lose himself. Lose the strength he needed for this battle.
And even though he'd left Mellie in his heart, she thought they were together.
Wasn't it wrong to think about Kira like this before Mellie read the letter? And why did wrong no longer matter to him?
Kira just kept yanking on him, from her core to his, until his skin crawled with the yearning to dissolve the space between them and melt into her.
He sensed her own need, never missing when Kira wanted to discover more of him. Good thing he didn't tell her about leaving Mellie, because if Kira tested the thin boundary between them, it wouldn't hold. But she'd keep holding herself back when she thought Zayne was with another woman.
That was true and not true. He was with Mellie and not with her.
He didn't know.
It was confusing.
