Page 39 of Seasons of War
No need to justify her observation with a comment. Even if he didn't find the custom tacky, he'd never highlight that which he wanted to hide. Soldiers inked their scars in veins of gold, reminiscent of the Phaedra's tower and of the golden tears flowing from the emperor's statue in Memorial Park—the ones supposedly shed for the dead. At least no one forced that false badge of honor on him. Imagine looking in the mirror to see all of his scars tattooed with gold.
“What's that one?” Her eyes lowered to his left arm, a few inches below his band.
“A scar.”
Unfazed, her stare shifted to the edge of another that he thought his shirt hid.
Damn it. She didn't fear him at all now that he had saved her from Dr. Cooper. What a disaster.
“That?” she asked, not discouraged by his previous sarcasm.
On instinct, he ignored the question until he remembered she knew. He should use his mistake to help her, just like he'd claimed to Dr. Cooper. So, what if he'd rather carve his eyes out of their sockets than reveal it all to her? It may help her.
“Reprogramming.” Zayne washed the discomfort away with the burn of the hot drink.
Sad eyes lingered on his scar. “What did Dr. Cooper really do to you?”
The dizziness and the shadows and the feeling of floating above his body made it impossible to keep himself grounded. Did she mean back then or tonight? “I don't remember most of it.”
“He hurt you.”
“He says he healed me.”
“What do you say?”
“I learned a valuable lesson,” Zayne said. He wasn't entertaining these thoughts. It didn't help. She needed to stop, too, if she wanted to survive. “No one defies the Phaedra, no matter who you are. That's the reason I told you about the forbidden. You need to understand this, or it'll cost you your life.”
Please, listen. Please.
Kira held her mug with both hands. “When you told me about the girl, I didn't understand the extent of what you went through.”
She covered their tracks well. “I didn't want to share more than I had to. I wonder now if that was a mistake. You need to pay attention to what I'm saying.”
“Okay,” she said. Perhaps seeing his scars convinced her to listen.
“I told you this is forbidden to speak of.” Zayne wasn't prepared to share the story with her, but he'd sacrifice anything to help her. “My father and I have never discussed it directly. So, you and I will never speak of it again.”
Fear shadowed her face. The room still slowly spun. Did it unsteady her, too?
“When I was fourteen, I started shadowing. The squad I was observing received a mission to deal with a traitor and his family. Two parents. Two adult children.” His eyes went unfocused while he spoke, voice monotone. “A teenage daughter. I found out later she was only nineteen.”
Kira bit her bottom lip, eyes knowing.
“First, they killed her mom. One shot to the back of the head.” The bullet cried out in his memory. He'd never spoken this story out loud. “Next, her older sister. The girl started shrieking. They killed the brother next. When they shot her father, she still hadn't stopped screaming.”
Kira leaned against the table, a grief everyone in the empire carried blazing from her eyes. They all remembered their firsts. The first time they saw soldiers execute a person. The first massacre of an entire family. The first loved one.
Fresh sweat dampened his temples. “I stole a private's gun and fired into the couch. The girl ran, but there was nowhere to go.”
“There never is,” Kira said quietly.
Pain crept down his spine as the forbidden slipped through his mind. “She didn't make it far, and they pinned me in seconds. The corporal said he'd show me the cost of weakness.” The next part resisted entering his mind. Nausea churned in his stomach. “He kicked her in the face.” His lips felt numb. “He didn't stop until she was spitting broken teeth.”
A slideshow of the images replayed in his mind. The pieces never fit together, but he caught jagged bits of those terrible moments.
Kira opened her mouth, but when she glanced at the camera, she shut it. Whether she spoke her fury or not, her expression conveyed her feelings clearly.
“The corporal handed a pistol to me and said I could end her suffering or watch what he'd do next. I aimed for her temple and pulled the trigger.” Dampness glazed Kira's eyes. “It took less than five minutes for me to see what happens when you fight a battle you can't win.”
