Page 141 of Seasons of War
She dared a lingering look at him with his eyes off her, unable to keep her gaze from running down his face. Rediscovering him now that she peeled away themask. The feel of his kiss warmed her lips, and, finally, her mind filled in the missing pieces with his face and voice and name. With him.
She was still trying to reconcile the man who saved her and protected her with the Zayne she'd known the last few weeks. To discover who he really was.
He overwhelmed her.
What was Kira supposed to do with the knowledge that Zayne could kiss her better than any damn man in the empire? That the stranger she'd thought about all these years was the same stubborn fool who'd spent weeks refusing to look at her?
His stare returned to her, and she trained her eyes on his, feeling like a silly fool.
“Aerial isn't an option without the United,” he said. “I don't know a pilot I trust. So we'll go underground. That means using the Followers and your friend. I have a few partners who can help, too.”
Kira wouldn't ask questions that endangered others, but she was curious about the people he worked with. “How many soldiers are fighting from the inside like you and Brock?”
“There's always people fighting, even in the most dangerous places. But not many here. People will lay down their lives. They won't sacrifice their families.”
The Phaedra slaughtered the families of rebels, but what did he do to the families of his own soldiers who betrayed him? She never thought about it before. It must have been something even more nightmarish. So many times Kira judged the soldiers—hated them. All that righteous anger slipped into images of families, into the pounding fear of death, and the endless cry of suffering. They surrounded her, names carved into the walls—all the soldiers who wanted to dissent and looked to see if they were the only ones. The soldiers who made one small decision after the next to protect their families, until they were killing the innocent on the street.
Instead of risking the ones they loved, they'd given the Phaedra everything. Every last thing.
Their obedience, their souls, their families.
The blood of those who refused to back down.
Not Brock and Zayne, though.
But if they got caught…
“What…” Horror tried to silence her voice, but she fought through it. “What will the Phaedra do to you… If he catches you?” The Phaedra spared him once as a boy. He wouldn't show grace to the man Zayne had become.
“Whatever he wants for as long as he wants to.” Zayne sounded impassive. “My family is protected by their status and my father. That's what matters.”
“That's not all that matters.”
“One person can only carry so much worry. Let this go.”
“I can fear for you.” Her voice came out small. “I have room in my heart for that.”
For him. She had room in her heart for him.
A groan, and he leaned back against the tree. “Stop. Don't care about me. I made your deal, so trust I'll follow through. Detach from me emotionally.”
“You're the most ridiculous person I've ever met,” Kira said.
“This is why I refused to see you.” The way he looked at her shook her down to her bones. Gone was the meticulously crafted distance and impenetrable mask. The ice in his eyes had fully melted. “I'll wreck you. There's no good that will come of caring for me. The Phaedra owns me. One night with you, and I knew not to let you any closer.”
How did words crush her and make her feel light at the same time?
“If that doesn't bother you, consider this,” he said. “The Phaedra might not just be using me against you.” Sober fear laced his every word. “He might be using you against me. If he suspects me, then I'm not your trap.”
“I'm yours,” she whispered.
The implications unfolded inside of her, like the collapse of an avalanche. Each second buried her beneath more debris, not only because this closed-off man pried open the steel of his heart for her, but because of something truly terrifying.
“It isn't safe for us to get closer than this,” Zayne said. “Not one step closer.”
“I'm a poison you'll beg to drink… You have no idea what I could do to you without anyone knowing…”
Those words had been lies, but they were the truth too. He was so afraid of what he might do to her. What might happen to her because of him?
