Page 58 of Bratva's Mercy
“Oh, did I make it too hard for you?” I shot back. “Must have killed you when you weren’t able to find me, to spy on me.”
“I wasfucking worried about you.”
The force of his words hit me like a slap, and I flinched. I’d always found Sergei’s presence to be oppressive since I equated it to him wanting to remind me who was in control.
“You think this is a game?” His hand fisted in his tank top, and before I could react, he ripped it over his head. “You think I do this for fun?”
My breath caught. His chest was covered in burns. Dozens of them. Small. Circular. Old ones. New ones. Some still angry and red, others darker, healing.
My stomach dropped.
“I made a fucking ton of effort to quit smoking,” he went on, his voice rough, uneven in a way I’d never heard from him before. “But I didn’t know where the fuck you were. Didn’t know if you were alive, if someone had you, if you—” He broke off, jaw tightening. “If you’d taken your fucking life because you hated that you fucked me. And you think I just get off on watching you without a reason? Because it’s fucking fun?”
I stared.
I couldn’t stop staring.
This man—this killer, this controlled, terrifying force—stood in front of me, stripped bare from the waist up and emotionally. My brain couldn’t fathom why on earth he wouldhave self-harmed this way because he couldn’t find me. We had sex once, nothing more. It wasn’t as if I’d pledged my undying love to him. How could he be so foolish as to take what we did seriously?
My body moved before my mind caught up. I bridged the distance between us and lifted my hand. My fingers hovered for a second before gently brushing over one of the burns. A ripple raced across the skin beneath my fingers.
“There are so many in such a short time…” I murmured, more to myself than him. The day we’d had sex, I’d seen him naked, and they weren’t there.
I swallowed, my voice softer now, and I raised my head. “Does it hurt?”
His eyes locked on to mine. “Not as much as you leaving me without a word.”
The words hit deeper than anything else he’d said. And that shook me. My fingers trembled. I dropped my hand and took a step back.
“I didn’t leave you,” I said, the denial coming fast. “I—I needed time. After what we did?—”
He scoffed. “Sounds like leaving to me.”
“It’s not the same thing,” I snapped, my voice rising despite myself. “I slept with you a month after my husband died. Amonth. Put yourself in my position. How would you feel?”
When he didn’t answer, I pushed on anyway.
“I was devastated. My head was all over the place. I couldn’t think straight, and I needed space. I needed to get away and figure out what the hell I was doing because I can’t do that when you’re constantly inserting yourself into my life.”
The room fell silent again as we stared at each other. His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as if he was swallowing words he really wanted to say. His face had an unnatural flush,and I knew he was holding back. He made a frustrated sound and took out a pack of cigarettes.
“Sergei, there’s no smoking allowed in here.”
He ignored me—of course he fucking did—and shook one out of the pack anyway. His hands seemed to be shaking, but I didn’t get fear from him. He seemed tense, like the effort to hold himself back was costing him.
He placed the cigarette between his lips and flicked his lighter. My hand shot out between the cigarette and the flame. His eyes widened as the flame came so dangerously close to my hand that I felt the heat against my skin for a millisecond before he yanked the lighter back.
“You—!” At a loss for words, he grabbed my hand gently and held it up to his eyes for inspection. “Are you out of your mind?”
With my free hand, I pried the cigarette from his lips. “Sergei, don’t smoke anymore. It’s bad for your health.”
He rubbed the skin of my hand as if trying to soothe me, although I hadn’t suffered at all. His touch was gentler than a killer’s was supposed to be.
“Then will you not disappear anymore?”
I frowned. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“I can only give up one addiction at a time, Leo, so it’s either you or the cigarettes, but not both.”
