Page 42 of Timeless
“I’m sorry, I can’t undo it.”
“Lily.” He framed the side of my face, tilting my chin up. The sliver of light from the bifold closet doors allowed me just enough light to see his earnest eyes. “We can’t undo the mistakes of the past, no matter how hard we try. But we also can’t dwell on them because they have the power to eat us alive otherwise.” His fingers threaded through my hair. “I promise you the first time we’re together, it will be like it’s the first time for both of us because I’m going to make sure of it.” His thumb swept across my bottom lip. “Now, tell me something, did you ever give your heart away?”
“Never,” I said emphatically, leaving no room for doubt.
“Good, then you didn’t give anything of mine away.”
He sealed his mouth over mine and kissed me softly with care and love, quieting all the chaos in my head and drowning out the outside world, all the while showing me what it meant to truly have someone in your corner through the highs and lows.
Chapter Twelve
Jaxon
The memory of Lily’s panic attack, her trembling body, and tear-streaked face, kept replaying in my mind ever since she left for work.
My plan for the next twelve hours had been: drive back home, hit the gym, and get some work done on the lake house, all before heading back to her place to make her a home-cooked dinner. But my head was a scattered mess, and my subconscious had other plans.
The desire to head into the station was fierce. My instincts as a cop were to pull my resources and find Lily’s ex, but it felt wrong. I wanted her to trust me, open up, bear the ugliness of her scars, and let me shoulder her pain. Being a fixer was in my DNA, and patience wasn’t my strong suit.
That was why I drove to my parents’ place instead. I hoped that a conversation with them, and all their infinite wisdom, would help settle my worries about the unknown and make everything feel less daunting.
“Jaxon, this is a surprise.” I found my mom standing at thekitchen sink, cleaning the dishes when I walked in. “I thought you were in Rockwood with Lily, who, by the way, you still haven’t brought over for—” She stopped mid-sentence when she glanced up at me a second time, causing her words to die on her lips. She quickly turned the water off and reached for a dishtowel, drying her hands as she stepped around the counter. “Jaxon, sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
“Hey, Mom.”
She wrapped her arms around my back, pressing her cheek over the center of my heart.
My mom always said I gave the best hugs as I towered over her, but the truth was, it was she who had the power to say so much with the simple gesture. Whether it was a hello hug, a spontaneous ‘just because,’ ‘I’m proud of you,’ or an until-next-time hug, each one was meaningful, full of pride, purpose, and an abundance of love.
But my favorite were her comforting ones. She always knew what I needed from a single look, often leaving me speechless. My mom was the rock of our family, giving her all to raising three rambunctious boys who kept her on her toes more than I’d like to admit while juggling my dad’s schedule at the firehouse.
I wasn’t a mama’s boy, per se; she raised us boys to be critical thinkers who were resilient, decisive, and confident. But I wasn’t ashamed to admit when I needed a hug from my mom. She always had the power to help settle the chaos in my head when my mind was spiraling.
“Come sit.” She smiled up at me. “Can I make you a coffee?”
“Nah, I’m—” I was far from good. “Actually, yes. Thank you.” It was that or anappetizerlater—a nap before the main event. “Where’s Dad?”
“Over at Earl’s.” The town butcher. “He was craving steak for dinner.”
I stared absentmindedly out the large floor-to-ceiling patio sliders from the breakfast nook while my mom worked the coffee machine until she placed a tray with two filled mugs and a plate of fresh blueberry scones on the table a few minutes later.
“Mind if we sit out back?” I asked.
“Of course not. Lead the way.”
The back deck at my parents’ house had always been one of my favorite places; the view of lush greenery and the hum of nature all around was serene. I collapsed my drained body onto the fabric cushions on one of the patio chairs and was admittedly lost in thought when my mom reached across the little table that separated us and gently squeezed my hand.
“I don’t even know where to start, Mom. My head is as clear as mud right now,” I admitted, feeling overwhelmed by the uncertainty swirling inside me.
“You know I’d say start at the beginning, but honestly, just let it all out. Unfiltered. Say what’s on your mind, and I’ll piece it together.”
“I’m angry. I’m grateful. I’m worried. I’m . . . I’m a mess.” I sat forward with my elbows digging into my knees and rubbed my temples.
“You’re not a mess, Jaxon. The love of your life reappeared just as quickly as she had vanished all those years ago. You’re well within your rights to feel a mass of emotions.” She rubbed my back. “Why don’t you start by telling me why you’re angry so we can release that energy?”
I sighed heavily. The rage I felt toward Lily’s parents, particularly her father, hadn’t fully hit me until earlier that morning when Lily was having her panic attack. His initial actions set offa chain of reactions that eventually led her into the path of another man who hurt her.
Lily didn’t offer much other than her ex had broken her faith and trust in humanity. It was an odd statement, one I didn’t understand the deeper meaning of, and that knowledge undid me.
