Page 102 of Not Safe for Work
Tanya was sitting on the top step with her chin propped up on her elbows. She looked up the second she heard footsteps and, for a moment, neither of us said anything.
‘Thanks for coming,’ she said, her voice low.
I crossed my arms, leaning against the railing, keeping as much distance between us as the narrow space allowed. ‘Why?’ The word came out more breathless than I’d intended. ‘Why would you do that to me?’
She ran a trembling hand through her hair. ‘I … I didn’t plan it, I swear. But that day in Mussoorie, when I went to your room? I saw that photo collage from your college days. At first, I thought I was just getting things mixed up … that maybe you’d gone to NYU for your post grad. But then—’
‘Then you dug,’ I finished for her, my voice flat.
She nodded, looking at the wall to avoid my furious gaze. ‘I couldn’t help it, I just wanted to know the truth.’
I snorted. ‘You could’ve just asked me, if you were so desperate to know.’
She shook her head. ‘I didn’t think you’d tell me. You had been hiding so much from me … about where you went to college, your relationship with Neil … it made me feel like our whole friendship had been a lie.’
My nostrils flared as a spark of anger rose in my chest. ‘There wasn’t a relationship to tell you about!’
‘Well, there wassomething… I got that much from that night at your house.’
I closed my eyes and exhaled, resting the side of my head against the wall for support.Just breathe, I told myself.You came here for answers, not retribution.‘And so, what, you decided to punish me?’
‘No!’ She buried her face in her hands. ‘I mean, at least I didn’t mean to. I was just so angry, Kavya. At my parents, for controlling everything about my life … who I spoke to, where I went, what time I came home. At Rajat, for showing me a way out and then snatching it away. And at you … for being the reason why I’d lost that chance.’ Her voice wobbled and, for asecond, all the betrayal and hurt I was feeling gave way to a stab of pain for the friend she used to be.
I swallowed. ‘Tanya …’
Her glasses slid down her nose as she shook her head again. ‘I’m not telling you this so you’ll feel bad for me. I’m just … I’m trying to explain the headspace I was in. Every small thing felt like an attack. When I saw that photo collage, and then you and Neil … I snapped.’ Her eyes glistened with tears, and I felt my own cheeks grow wet. ‘I am sorry,’ she whispered. ‘Truly.’
I knew in my bones that she wasn’t lying. It’d be so much easier if she was … if she’d done all this to me out of malice. At least then I’d know where to place all this anger. I wiped the tears that had begun to roll down my cheeks with the back of my sleeve. ‘I’m not ready to forgive you yet,’ I said, feeling drained. ‘I don’t know if I’ll ever be.’
‘I’ll give you space,’ she whispered. ‘And time. Whatever you need.’
I didn’t know if either would heal the wound she’d inflicted, but as I walked back inside, I could only hope that someday, it wouldn’t sting quite as much.
The days leading up to the launch blurred into a fever dream of deadlines and caffeine. Even though the agency was handling all the design creatives so I could focus on the bigger picture, I was drowning in work. Every hour of every day was a relay race between the editors, the design team, sales and me. I ate most of my meals at my workstation and stayed glued to my email well into the night. But even in the middle of the madness, my mind kept circling back to Neil.
I’d caught myself staring at my phone and refreshing our chat more times than I’d like to admit. I’d called him four times, texted twice and left a voice note that was so manic I was sure he was going to respond, if only to tell me to leave him the hell alone. But no, there was no reply.God, he must really hate me,I kept thinking. And why wouldn’t he? Now that I knew the truth, the fact that I’d snapped at him, pushed him away,blockedhim … it all felt unforgivably unfair.
By the time launch day rolled around, I had given up all hope that I’d ever hear back from him. As I uploaded the final cut onto the website, the credits rolled at the bottom of the screen.Conceptualized by Kavya Mehra and Neil Desai.Seeing our names together like that made me wince. Everyone around me had been showering me with praise all morning. I knew this launch was going to change things for me, even though Swati from HR had informed me that my move into my new role would be subject to a formal compliance review. But what about Neil? He’d been shoved out halfway and made to end his internship early, while I stood here soaking in the spotlight we were supposed to share. Varun had mentioned in passing that he never even came to collect his internship certificate. What hadhegained from any of this, except for heartache and humiliation?
And then it hit me. The recommendation letter. The only thing he’d wanted in return for everything he’d poured into this project. Lost as I had been in my own mess, I hadn’t even paused to think about it. The realization made me feel small and selfish. If nothing else, I owed him that.
But once I sat down in front of my system to write it, a very real problem presented itself.Where was I supposed to send it?His Jharokha email was already deactivated and he clearly wasn’t reading my messages. I didn’t have his personal email ID and showing up at his house with a printout felt awfullystalkerish. That’s when the obvious but ridiculous thought crossed my mind.I could send it directly to his father.
It was borderline psychotic, sure, but the letter was meant for him anyway. Neil had wanted his father to see that he hadn’t wasted his internship. He’d asked me for this letter to prove to his dad that he was capable and that his startup idea was worth putting money behind. So, if there was any way that a recommendation letter from me would help him with his dream, I was going to suck it up and draft the hell out of it.
I opened a new tab and got to work. Jatin Desai was easy enough to find—he was a well-known businessman and an early stage venture capitalist. I found two email IDs on his website, one for business enquiries and the other for media, and decided to send the letter to both, just to be safe.
