Page 79 of Bargaining

“Not guilty. I don’t even likeBuffy.”

She gasped, feigning shock. “Lies! Take that back. You lovedBuffy.”

“I only remember you forcing me to watch them all.”

Her eyebrows flew up in outrage. “Forced you? Whatever. You knew all the words in the musical episode. Your eyes were always bugging out of your head whenever Cordelia Chase was on screen. You cried when Xander brought Dark Willow back. Don’t tell me you weren’t a fan.”

I shrugged, but I couldn’t help the smile pulling at my lips.Fine.Maybe I had enjoyed watching it, even if it had just been a way to spend time with Charlotte.

“Who did you ship? Spuffy or Bangel?”

“I’m sorry?”

She tore off another slice of pizza and handed it to me. “Who did you want to be together in the end? Spike and Buffy or Buffy and Angel?”

“I think Spike understood Buffy’s darkness in a way that Angel didn’t.”

She flashed a triumphant grin. “Ha! That’s insightful analysis from a non-fan. Don’t tell me you haven’t been on the forums. I’m sorry that you’re wrong.”

“Oh?”

“Buffy and Angel were endgame. He was her first love. They were meant to be together. You can’t convince me otherwise.”

“Spike and Buffy literally banged a house down.”

She munched her pizza. “That’s good sex. That’s nice, but it’s not what matters.”

“What matters?”

“Finding the person who will put you first. Someone you can be yourself with and makes you feel safe. Someone you can depend on.” Her eyes slipped away. “They won’t ever hurt you or leave you.”

Like me. I hurt you, I know.My gaze lingered too long on her mouth. I knew every one of her smiles. I missed the easy smile she’d worn when we were kids. Now every smile was guarded. Had I done that to her? I’d been trying to convince myself that I could ignore these feelings, but I’d never be able to. The truth was, I’d loved Charlotte since I was eleven and I’d first laid eyes on her at Roy’s house. All these years, and it had only ever been her. No one could ever compare. Nothing had ever felt more right than being with her last night, even if it had been a game.

Charlotte had talked about finding a blank page. I’d played along, knowing I was kidding myself. We were too deeply connected. We had too much history. This woman hadn’t been a side character in my first act; she was written on every page. This was just another chapter in a complicated story.

The moment I saw her at Roy’s funeral, I’d known I could never leave her behind again. I’d only ever wanted to protect her from my father, and at some point that had morphed into protecting her from me. My father had probably loved my mother at the start, but he’d destroyed her. I couldn’t do that to Charlotte.

She took another bite of pizza. The gooey cheese stretched between her mouth and the slice. She laughed. “Oh God. Don’t watch me eat. It’s hard to eat pizza elegantly.”

Could she ever forgive me? Would she let me try to win her back? It should have been the easiest thing to ask her, but my throat felt too thick and my chest too tight. It wasn’t in either of our best interests for this to be real. Charlotte would be better off without me and the world I moved in. She could take the money, walk away, and start the new life she deserved. One about her and what she wanted.

The one thing I remembered from watching that show with Charlotte was that Angel was putting Buffy first when he left. He knew she would have a better life without him. He didn’t leave because he’d stopped loving her, but because it was impossible to stay. A human and a vampire could never work in the real world.

Charlotte offered me the last slice of pizza from the box, but I waved it away. Of course she couldn’t forgive me. Not when I couldn’t offer her a reasonable explanation. It was impossible. Too many years. Too much damage.

Tomato sauce streaked her cheek. I brushed it away with my thumb. Her laugh was self-effacing. “I’m getting this all over myself, aren’t I?”

My heart was as heavy as a stone. “I’m just glad to see you enjoying yourself.”

Chapter 36

Cole

The next morning, a server set up breakfast on the balcony. Sunlight glittered on the plates and silver lids. The heat yesterday had worn us both out. I’d gone to make tea after dinner and come back to find Charlotte asleep on the couch. She hadn’t even stirred when I’d carried her to bed. I grabbed my phone and made a call.

Theo’s growl reached my ear. “Why the fuck are you calling me this early?”

“I need your help.” I spoke quietly so as not to wake Charlotte.