Page 11 of Bargaining

Some scratchy feeling made my chest tight. “I’ll miss you, too.”More than you’ll ever know.

I’d been coming over to study for years so I could spend time in Charlotte’s orbit. Getting away from that grim school was just a bonus. Things had been different between us the past couple of months. So much of our time together felt charged, like maybe Charlotte was finally looking at me the way I’d always dreamed she would. I hadn’t dared jeopardize what we had. There was too much at stake. If I couldn’t come over to the Ackroyd house, then there was nothing for me in Ecclesdale.

Sheep bleating grew loud, piercing the stretching silence. Things were different now. We were both leaving. This was the right time to tell her how I felt. There was still too much to lose,but everything to gain. This could be the start of a new chapter. I opened my mouth to try and articulate it, but she spoke before I could.

“I’d love to meet your family. It should be easier when I’m in London.”

Coldness spread through me. “They’re not in London much.”

She turned to face me. “But sometimes they must be?”

“Maybe. I’m sure we can figure something out.”

She swallowed, and her voice took on a brittle edge. “Are you embarrassed by me?”

Are you kidding me?“Of course not.”

She nodded, but she didn’t look convinced.

“I have a present for you, anyway.” She dug into the hamper, pulled out a picture in a frame and handed it to me. It was a watercolor of the view in front of us—Ecclesdale with its little stone houses and rolling green fields beneath wispy clouds.

“You did this?”

She nodded and shot me a shy glance. “I thought you could take a piece of Yorkshire with you.”

A pang pulled at my heart. “It’s beautiful. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

I grabbed her hand. “Listen, you could never embarrass me. My family is just ... it’s not like yours. When I came up here, I wanted to leave it all behind.” My skin prickled with shame. There was so much I wanted to tell her, but the words would never come. “My family aren’t close. It’s difficult sometimes, but you’ll meet them one day, I’m sure. It’s not you. Never think that.”

She looked down where our hands joined. The wind lifted her hair and blew it off her face. Her cheeks and nose were pink with the cold. She’d never looked more beautiful.

“You survived Ashcombe. You must be relieved you don’t have to go back,” she said.

“I hate that school, but I wouldn’t change anything, because it brought me to your family ... to you.”

She hadn’t let go of my hand. I twisted it in mine and studied her violet nail varnish.

“You don’t ever have to worry about anything in your future. Your life is about to begin, Charlotte.”

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t.”

She bit her lip and peered at me. There was something so fascinating about the movement, I couldn’t help but fixate on her mouth.

Her voice was a murmur. “You’re staring at me.”

I tore my gaze away. “I’m sorry. Sometimes I wonder if ...” I took a breath, searching for the right words, but my heart was racing too much to find anything eloquent. “I want to kiss you.”

Her eyebrows lifted in surprise. “What?”

Shock went through me. I’d actually said it. I’d started now. Too late to back down. My breath came in sharp snatches. “Actually, I’ve wanted to kiss you for years.”

“Then why haven’t you?”

The wind whipped a strand of hair across her face, and I brushed it away from her cold cheek. Any excuse to touch her. “Because I didn’t want to fuck things up between us.”