Page 98 of The Devil's Accidental Duchess
CHAPTER 33
Selina might not have been speaking to the groom, but there was no stopping the wedding preparations. The days blurred together, bringing her closer to the one where she would have to decide if she would walk down the aisle to Philip or walk away completely.
The shame would ruin me. I would be unmarriageable.
Onebroken understanding might eventually be overlooked, but two? It would be the end of her prospects.
Then again, if Philip was certain about wanting to remain childless, that was an end to her prospects too.
She had barely left her room since her rescue from Lord Ramsbury’s clutches. The Dowager Duchess had tried to cheer her up with the altered wedding gown, fresh from the modiste, but Selina hadn’t even put it on. It sat in the wardrobe in a cloth covering—unseen, untouched, and unworn.
A knock sounded at the chamber door.
“Who is it?” Selina called.
There was no answer, just her two friends bursting in.
“Come on,” Lizzy said. “It is a fine day, and you arenotspending it in this room.”
Melody offered an apologetic look. “We know you have had a difficult time, Selina, but there is nothing to fear here anymore. No one is going to hurt you.”
“Yes, exactly.” Lizzy cleared her throat. “There is no danger anymore, and people are starting to wonder where you are.”
Selina turned back to the notes she had been writing to try to make sense of her mind. She crumpled the paper into a ball.
“I do not care what people are wondering. Let them wonder,” she muttered. “I am quite content in this room.”
Her friends came closer, Lizzy leaning against the desk and Melody perching on the nearby window seat.
“What is the matter, Selina?” Lizzy asked, somewhat impatiently. “I thought you would be happy now that you are back here, with the wedding to look forward to.”
“If youareworried about Lord Ramsbury,” Melody interjected, “then you needn’t be. He was sentenced this morning. He has been sent into exile; he really will not trouble you again. By all accounts, he has chosen to spend his exile in Spain.”
It was far enough, certainly, but that wasn’t the problem.
“Have you tried on your wedding dress yet?” Lizzy said cheerily. “That might cheer you up, get you feeling more bridal, more ready to become my sister-in-law.”
Her friends were smiling with such encouragement that Selina hated to burst their good humor. Yet she could not pretend either.
“I am not sure that therewillbe a wedding,” she admitted quietly, tears pricking her eyes.
“What?” Lizzy straightened.
“But… everyone is making final preparations,” Melody said, frowning. “Why would there not be a wedding? Do you need more time after your ordeal? Of course, everyone would understand, but you should really say something sooner rather than?—”
Selina shook her head. “I do not think that more time would change anything.”
“Selina,whatis going on?” Lizzy’s voice was harder than before.
This was, after all, supposed to be a wedding between her brother and her friend. The moment that would bring Selina into her family.
Selina scrunched the paper ball tighter in her hand. “Your brother wants to end your father’s bloodline with him.” She took a steadying breath. “He doesn’t want children… and I do not think I can marry someone who will not allow me to be a mother.”
Lizzy’s eyebrows shot up. “Of all the stupid, selfish… Well, I can solve this. I shall go and have a word with my brother right this minute.”
“No!” Selina lunged to grab her friend’s hand, stopping her. “No, don’t. It will only make things worse. We have spoken about it, and his mind won’t be changed. He does not want to take the risk that any child of ours might grow up to be like your father.”
“Our father was a monster becausehisfather was one,” Lizzy said with a scowl. “I have heard my grandmama speak of it a thousand times. How sorry she was that she didn’t take her son away when he was little, to be raised with kindness and gentle discipline, where my grandfather wouldn’t be able to reach him.”
