Page 77 of The Devil's Accidental Duchess
CHAPTER 26
“I’m sorry,” Mary said, her tone sincere.
She rested a hand on Selina’s shoulder, a sisterly touch that did nothing to ease the pain.
It had taken all of Selina’s determination to leave the safe ignorance of her bedchamber when Mary had summoned her, and she still couldn’t decide if she wished she had stayed in that room, oblivious, or if it was better to have heard the truth.
“At least you know where you stand,” Mary said. “That’s not always true for gently bred ladies.”
Selina cleared her throat. “But he said he cared.”
“He also said he cared for revenge and that he intends to leave you childless,” Mary pointed out, muddling what Selina had actually heard through the half-open study door.
Was that really what Philip had said? Verbatim?
Selina tried to pluck that part of the conversation from her mind, but everything was too foggy, bogged down by the oppressive weight of too many emotions at once. None of them good.
“He will never have children, Lady Selina,” Mary insisted. “He would never perpetuate his father’s legacy. So, if motherhood is something you seek, I suggest you reconsider this marriage. But that’s none of my business.”
Selina leaned against the hallway wall, a good distance from the study. Her breath came in short pants, her heart feeling as if it were twisting in her chest.
Mary had promised proof, and Philiphadadmitted that he had seen an opportunity for revenge in all of this. Perhaps not in those exact words, but the sentiment had been there.
What am I to do?
Selina looked up at Mary and asked that very question.
The maid shrugged. “I’m not you, My Lady. But if I were, I would run as far away from that man as I could.” She shook her head. “He will tire of you, and you will have no one. Your friends, perhaps, until they, too, are married and are too busy for you. Without children, it will be a painful isolation here.”
Selina had never much thought about children, just as she had never much thought about marriage. She had known it would be expected of her, but that was where her opinion ended. Now, however, with the certainty in her heart that Philip wouldnotwant children, she found that she wanted them. Keenly.
What if he doestire of me? What if I amleft entirely alone?
Everything had been such a thrilling rush, but what happened when that ebbed? She had allowed herself to be swept up in the excitement, forgetting Mary’s first warning that Philip had never been loyal to just one woman.
Why would she, of all people, be any different? She was nothing special.
“Excuse me,” she whispered as she pushed past the maid and hurried toward escape.
Pushing through the nearest door to the outside world, a blustery wind almost knocked her back into the manor. The scent of rain clung to the air, oddly metallic, but she didn’t care. Nor did she pause to fetch her cloak as she stumbled out.
It should have been a glorious sunset, but the bruised rainclouds masked its shine, the estate as gray and gloomy as her mind.
She began to walk with no direction, passing through the walled gardens, and further still to the wilder lawns beyond. Fromthere, she found her way to the lake, the grass dampening the hem of her skirts.
“I was so happy,” she hissed at the rippling waters. “Why didn’t I just stay in my rooms? Why did I have to hear all of that?”
She cursed herself for ruining her own peace and kicked a pebble on the lakeshore, watching through blurry eyes as it arched and struck the water. She kicked another for good measure, but it did little to ease her troubles.
There would be no one at Barlow House. Perhaps I could go there to clear my head for a few days.
Her family was here, ready for the wedding that she was no longer certain about. She could at least have a day to herself before someone thought to look for her there. A day to decide if a childless future, and possibly a loveless one, would be enough for her.
Orienting herself as the first patter of rain began to fall, she picked up her pace along the lake’s edge.
But why should I trust Mary? She has every reason to hate me,she tried to tell herself as she cut through the woods, following a faint gravel trail that she hoped would lead her to the stables.Then again, I heard Philip with my own ears.
The ceaseless back and forth would surely drive her mad. Yes, London was the best possible place for her. She could not hopeto get her thoughts in order while she was here, with Philip nearby, his admission ringing in her head.
