Page 59 of Expressionate
He grips me hard, holds me, breathes me in, and keeps me from shattering further. I find myself doing the same to him. My arms circle his neck and I plaster myself up against him. I’m not with Danny. Danny doesn’t matter. Who I am is not who I was. What I did is not who I am. I repeat it over and over in my head as I feel Tax’s skin onmine.
We’ve both got these dark devious demons inside of us. One violent and bloody and dangerously encased in a raging inferno. The other a cold, barren, wasteland of ice and snow. How we ever came to be in this world at the same time, much less standing in the same bathroom together is a mystery only the universe cananswer.
We stand under the shower spray, letting the water run in rivulets over our skin, washing away the taint of our darkness. The past we both hold in tight little cages in our hearts rises to the surface of our skin and is wiped away by the water raining down. We’ll never be perfect. We may never even be whole on our own. That’s just not who we were meant to be, I suppose. I close my eyes and press my lips to his skin. It's healing – the shower with Tax – but not completely. I start to wonder if anything ever willbe.
Once all of the darkness is washed away, our pain still remains. When I open my eyes and I meet his heartbreakingly beautiful ones – where the midnight irises meet with flecks of stardust and shatter the illusion of a perfect night sky in those deep eyes – I see that we're not done and nothing is over. He picks me up again and I'm wrapping my legs around his waist, feeling him hot and heavy between my thighs. I want it. I want it more than I have ever wanted anything before. But he told me we weren't having sex. Tonight isn't aboutsex.
Tax slaps the knobs and the water cuts off. He steps out of the shower with me anchored to his front and sets me down on the counter again. This time, I don't let go. I keep him close to me, I hold him against my breasts until his eyes heat and his mouth lowers, his lips meeting mine in a tangle of wet skin and broken thoughts. He steals away my memories and shatters the residual darkness lingering within me. My pain is still deep within, but he scorches me from the inside out. His pain is there, too and it greets mine like an old friend, like lost lovers, like two halves of one soul that have been separated foryears.
His lips press into mine, opening my mouth, opening my soul. Our tongues twist together. My breathing increases. I press as close to him as I possibly can, my hands reaching up into his hair, gripping it, keeping him prisoner. My legs clench around him, my pussy wet and wanting. When I pull away and open my eyes, I realize that I'm crying. My cheeks are wet and it's not from the shower. My vision is misty and I'm gasping for air. Tax looks at me, his cavernous eyes boring deep before one of his hands grips the back of my head. I cry out as he pulls me close and wraps his arms around me, stealing me into his chest. He's so new in my life – barely a fledging of a relationship and yet, this is the safest I've everfelt.
20
Love
Iwake with a face between my legs. I gasp as Tax – sensing that I’m awake – widens my thighs further with a palm on either side and then dives back in. The stroke of his tongue as he pushes it up into my pussy does crazy wicked things to my mind. My hands make their way into his hair before I even realize I’ve moved, and he rewards me by sucking my clit into his mouth and laving it with his tongue. I cry out and undulate my hips, begging formore.
“You taste like raindrops, Lovely,” Tax whispers, teasing me with his mouth. He slicks his tongue over my flesh, thrusting up into my pussy and clasping my ass in his hands. Tax’s fingers slowly make their way to my core. He has a guitarist’s fingers through and through even though his voice is his true instrument. His fingers, the pads calloused, slide through my lower lips and I arch off the bed as he flicks his dangerously talented tongue against my clit back and forth until I’m crying out and yanking on his hair hard. My climax sinks into my bones and leaves me sagging and weak in hisarms.
Tax pulls his fingers out of me and then leans back. I look up and once he’s sure my eyes are on him, he pushes his fingers – the same fingers that had been inside of me – between his lips and sucks off the remainder of my orgasm. My cheeks heat as I swallow roughly against the sudden pressure in my throat. Tax climbs the rest of the way up my bed and then presses a lingering kiss to my lips. I open my mouth when his tongue pushes out. I can taste myself onhim.
When he pulls away, Tax sighs and leans his forehead against my chest, between my breasts. “I needed that,” he says, sagging into me. Anyone else and I’d feel trapped, but right now I feel like I’m cloaked in a warm, safeblanket.
I remember how many times I’ve been in this situation. Having sex, letting someone touch me because I once thought it was a means of survival. But now, it feels like I need it for a different type of survival. I wonder what he would say if I told him that. I wonder what he would say if I finally told him about mypast.
We lay there lazily as the day drags on. Sometimes, he’ll roll off me to head to the bathroom or he’ll bring me something from the kitchen, but for the most part we don’t leave my room. And the entire day, he makes nasty little comments about mybed.
“Fuck this tiny ass mattress,” he snaps, his feet hanging off theend.
“Are you really complaining?” I ask as I look down at him. Once again, he has his head pillowed between mybreasts.
Tax sighs, the warm air from his mouth blowing across my nipple – it hardens in the span of a millisecond. “You’re right,” he says. I can hear the smile in his voice, the bastard. He leans up – his sparkling midnight gaze hot. “I should be takingadvantage.”
My mouth pops open on a moan as Tax’s lips descend on my nipples. He laves and then sucks them into his mouth, gently biting down – just hard enough to send bolts of pleasure coursing through me. “Tax,” I pant, “I need you. Now.” I punctuate that last bit as I lean up and press my lips to his,hard.
“Roll over,” he groans. I do as he bids, scrambling up on my knees. “I’m going to buy you a goddamn California King,” he threatens and a split second later, he’s inside me. Both of us still for a moment, our panting breaths and the hot air the only things between us as he takes his time dragging his cock out of me and then slowly thrusting backin.
“You’re a fucking downpour, Lovely,” he says as his cock tunnels into me again and again. I’m shaking like a leaf, shivering under the intensity of his weight and power. I don’t feel like I’m drowning, I feel like I’m flooded. With emotion. With lust. Withlove.
“You’re the goddamn rain and you can fall all the fuck over me any time you want, Lovely.” I groan as Tax’s hands grip my waist and he wastes no time fucking me. Again and again, he uses his grasp on my skin to slide me off his dick and then power back into me. One hand releases me only to slide around my side, up to my breast. He pinches my nipple until I arch up and away – the pain confusing because it feels so fucking good and also biting at the same time. The real shock to me is that it actuallyfeelslikesomething.
I’m so used to sex just being sex. I’m used to it leaving me empty and hollow. But it’s not like that with Tax. I’m dripping wet, probably soaking the sheets and his hands on my skin feel like licks offlames.
“Tax. Tax. Tax.” I’m stumbling through this thing between us like I’m half-crazed and blind. All I can see is him. All I can feel is him. All I can say is hisname.
“That’s it.” His breath is warm in my ear as he urges me to arch back even further until every time he thrusts into me, the sound of my ass meeting his hips echoes around the room back to my ears, eliciting even more of a reaction from my pussy. “Come for me, Baby,” he says, “I want to feel you clench on my dick and know I made ithappen.”
I can’t stop it. I can’t hold back. I cry out as he releases me, and I drop down onto the mattress. The rippling buzz of fireworks inside my pussy spans outward until I can feel the twinges and tingles in the tips of my toes and fingers. I scream at the same time that Tax rips out of me. I can hear the grunts working their way in his throat as he comes across my back, hot splashes of his orgasm hitting my skin and sliding into the middle of my back and down to the crack of myass.
“I’ll be right back,” Tax says, panting. He quickly yanks on his pants and then heads out into the hallway. A split second later and he’s back with a wet washcloth. I flinch when it touches my skin, not expecting it to be cold. “Sorry,” he murmurs as he finishes wiping and tosses the cloth into my laundry basket across the room before crawling behind me and then lifting me onto his chest. He sighs. “That’sbetter.”
Outside my window, the sun starts to set. The sky darkens, colors splashing across the canvas of the world. It’s been a full twenty-four hours since the text messages came through. Inside the room, I feel wrong. My heart is racing in my chest and my eyes travel to the cellphone laying on the floor – my cellphone. There can be sex in a relationship and there can be sex without the attachments. That’s not what this is. Tax has made thatclear.
Almost as if he’s reading my mind, Tax’s hands lift to my hair and he trails his fingers through the strands and over my spine. “Just tell me,Lovely.”
“I don’t want you to hate me,” Iadmit.
“Is it really thatbad?”
