Page 69 of Ruined
When I returned, she was collecting the clothes left into one single bag. Some she hadn’t recognized, and some she simply didn’t want anymore. There were so many times through this process that I wanted to just stop and offer to buy her a whole new wardrobe, but I restrained myself—that would come in time.
As she tied the bag and set it against the wall, I swore her eyes seemed different, lighter in some way. Looking down at the bed, she fluffed one of the pillows before grabbing my attention. “Ithink our backs would appreciate sleeping in here from now on. I call the left side.”
38
Ember
Three months.
That’s how long it’d been since everything fell apart...or so I thought.
In a lot of ways, I loved my previous life, but everything with Bodhi had cracked me open in a way I didn’t know was possible. Even though he was dead, I still lived with a constant level of anxiety. Before him, I was never scared of anything, and now something inside of me was cautious of almost everything. I refused to let that part grow, especially when I had someone who made it his mission to make me happy.
I actually figured it was better to not think of my life before Silas. I thought I had a family, IthoughtI knew what happiness was. Turns out, I knew nothing.
I was so angry for the longest time about that. I just couldn't understand how Kinsley could choose a man like that over the friendship we had created and how Kolby could justdisappear. I swore I would never forgive them, and then one morning, Silas handed me his phone with a weird look on his face. Looking down at the screen, I understood immediately. There was a voicemail waiting to be played, one that was from a number Ihad memorized so long ago. I stared at the name for a minute before looking up at Silas. Annoyance was written all over his face, so I knew he had already listened to this. As my finger moved to push play, I paused and decided to have the message transcribed instead. As much as I wanted to know what Kolby had to say, I didn't think I could handle hearing his voice.
“Hey Em. I um, well I hope you're doing okay. I just wanted to call because,.. well, because I-I'm sorry. I couldn't just sit here and let you think that I walked away from you. I need you to know that I had no idea he was doing any of that. Neither did Kinsley, not until she.. she figured it all out. It broke her, Em. She went off the rails and blamed herself, went after her own wrists because of it. I took her to treatment and she's okay now, but I guess what I'm trying to say is if we would have had any clue, we would have stopped it. We would have kept you safe. I'm sorry. I hope you're well and that you're happy. I know you have him and I know that he'll never let anything bad close to you, including us. I get it, I do. Please just know I'll always miss you and I'm here if you ever want to reach out. I love you. I always have.”
When I finished reading the message, I looked up at Silas.
“You want to know what I think?”
I nodded slowly as I handed him the phone, still searching for my own thoughts on the matter.
“I think he's being genuine and I think him calling proves that they did care, but I will never allow them back around you.”
“Silas.”
“What?” he asked, as he stepped closer to me.
Instead of finishing my sentence, I watched as he protected me from some invisible threat. I sighed, and wrapped my arms around him. Honestly, I agreed with everything he was saying. I knew that voicemail had been genuine and I was really actually kind of glad to finally hear from Kolby. I was sad for Kinsley, but for a long period, I had convinced myself that they must have known, or that they truly hadn't cared. Hearing this, I knew that wasn't the case. Shaking my head, I finally felt something I had waited for—closure.
As more time passed, the anger over everything subsided, and I realized that I was truly happy. Silas had been right, our lives had turned out the way they had so we could find each other. That was the biggest thing I had learned. Everything had happened so that I could experience this life I have now.
I was so goddamn happy in every way, even on the random days I struggled. Through it all, Silas refused to leave my side. From the nightmares that plagued me to the therapy sessions he talked me into—he was there. Somehow, in the quiet days that surrounded us, we built our life together.
Fantasy books were now stacked on the shelves in our house, and my favorite snacks littered the pantry. Fries with gravy became a weekend staple, and to my surprise, Silas even asked if I wanted to pick out new colors for the walls. I practically jumped at that chance, eager to replace the neutral, boring tone. We settled on the first color I mentioned,yellow.
As far as work, I ended up pursuing my career in photography. Silas had the idea to open a room up inside the club for me to take pictures in, it ended up becoming very popular among the members. We had fun with it—making different themed nights, scavenger hunts, etc. Eventually, working this space within the club became full-time and Silas was able to create another company with me as his partner. I would work, and he would watch me.
It was within this space, I’d learned just how in tune Silas was with me. Somehow, he always knew what I needed before I did. If I woke up restless, he would ask if I wanted to go for a walk. If I went quiet for too long, he would remind me how much he loved me. A love that I knew for sure was rare. Not many people experienced it, not likethis.
There were other things too, things I had never been able to be involved in before. His brothers immediately accepted me as family, and in just a few short months, I had moved our monthly dinners to every other week with each of us taking turns. Tonight we were hosting, and all I felt was excitement as I pulled out the roast.
I knew that he’d never admit it out loud, but Silas enjoyed these nights, even though he was currently trying to talk me out of hosting.You would think seeing me twenty-four seven, he would be glad to see other people, but that wasn’t the case.Trying to convince me to cancel so we could go to the bedroom, he started kissing up the side of my neck. “Don’t make me be the one to text them. I’m not nice when I don’t want to share.”
I turned my neck slightly to glance at him and rolled my eyes. “You have me every single day. Besides, Kyrinknowsthat. Now grab the stuff from the fridge,” I added, glancing at the clock, “they’ll be here in twenty minutes.”
Silas slowly exhaled through his nose and pulled away from me, like he really thought he could win. The way he looked standing in front of me was almostmopey. I laughed at the thought, reaching up to run my fingers through his dark hair.
He glared down and his face changed as he felt my fingers shift. “Don’t.”
“Too late.” I replied, rapidly moving my hand back and forth, causing his hair to instantly stick up where I’d rubbed it. Reacting instantly, he moved fast and wrapped his hands around me, caging me in to tickle my sides. I squealed in response, but he didn’t stop until I bent at my waist, allowing him to do the same to my hair. When I straightened back up, I was breathless, and for a moment we just stood there looking at each other, the warm kitchen light reflecting in his blue eyes.
In some twisted way and through unfortunate circumstances, fate had brought him to me. Standing here now with him, I knew that with absolute certainty. I would easily live through that life five hundred times over if it meant I ended up here again,with him.
Silas pulled me in with a mischievous smile and lowered his mouth to mine. I felt his breath as his lips slightly parted, and I grabbed the collar of his shirt to pull him into me. His body instantly welcomed me, and we both deepened the kiss just asrapid knocking came from the door.
