Page 111 of Playing Dirty
Margot and I are leaned back against the sun-warmed rocks in the kind of slow, unhurried quiet I didn't know my life had room for. We're high above the Connemara coast, with not another soul in sight except for a few wandering sheep.
She's got her knees pulled up, staring out at the horizon, completely at ease, and I find myself watching her instead of the view, the way I have this entire trip. We've been road tripping through Ireland for the last two weeks, wandering between little hotels and seaside B&Bs, no schedule, no cameras, just me showing her every spot I've ever loved.
We spent the first stretch in Dublin with my family, and Sabrina flew over for that week, where she and Ellie got along exactly as well as we all expected, which is to say the two of them became the undisputed menaces of the house and had us all laughing until we were gasping for air.
Sabrina even extended her stay so she and Ellie could hit some music festival over in Galway, a decision made easier by the fact that Sabrina and Marco broke up last month because, in her words, "turns out he's a douchebag." Margot has informed me, in strictest confidence, that she is absolutely thrilled Sabrina is rid of him.
Our flight back to California is tomorrow, but for now we're just existing out here on the edge of the world, finally catching our breath. The season, the media, the best summer I've ever known—I reach over and slide my fingers through hers. She looks my way with a smile that still hits me like the very first time. Everything about this feels soright.
These months have been better than any future I ever dared to imagine for myself. Hoisting the Cup finally settled a restlessness in me I didn't know I carried, and Margot's been thriving with the new label expansion back home with Diane.
But maybe the best part is seeing her tackle her anxiety with such fierce, quiet courage. Between the therapy and the meds, she's adopted a who-gives-a-fuck attitude about the public noise that Sabrina and I both wholeheartedly endorse.
She gazes out at the water for a long moment. "You know, I always said Napa is where my soul lives. West coast, best coast, and it's home. But I have to admit, Ireland's making it a pretty damn close race."
"Oh?" I lean in to press a kiss to her temple. "Happy to divide our time between the two, then?"
She glances up, her smile shifting. "Aye."
I laugh, pulling her into my side. "A regular local you're becoming, Ace.”
"Well, Lily and Ellie have been schooling me on the slang. I'll be hurling insults with the best of them soon," she says, mangling the accent so badly I have to kiss her just to stop myself from laughing.
We stay like that for a while, her tucked under my arm, the light going long and orange across the water, and the whole time my heart is drumming around the thing I've been planning for months. Longer, if I'm honest. Maybe since somewhere near the very beginning.
The ring has been burning a hole in my luggage for two weeks, through every B&B and gift shop and scenic pull-off, waiting for this exact evening. I glance over at her, wind-tangled hair and stolen sweater and all, and there's not a doubt in me.
"Come on, there's one more place I need to show you." I push to my feet and hold my hand out to her, and she gives me a curious look as I pull her up.
We walk hand in hand along the cliff path, drinking in the views while the sun sinks lower over the water, the whole coastline starting to glow pink and gold, just like I fucking planned it, and thank god, the weather is miraculously cooperating.
The trail winds down through the stones to a small grassy overlook, and it's exactly how I left it this morning: strung with solar-powered lights, lanterns glowing in the dusk, and flowers scattered everywhere above the crashing sea.
Margot slows to a stop, taking it all in before she turns back to me with wide eyes.
"Cillian?" It comes out a whisper, a slow smile spreading across her face.
"Aye, I suspect you know exactly what's happening." I step close and take both of her hands in mine. "But you're getting the proper speech regardless."
I drop to one knee and her hands fly up to cover her mouth. I pull the ring from my pocket—the one Sabrina insisted onhelping me find, since she'd informed me thatMargot is incredibly picky with jewelry and you'll never get it right without me. I hold it up and her eyes go instantly glassy.
"Margot," I start. "I am so completely in love with you. With the way your mind works, the way you organize everything you touch and name your planners and your plants. I love how much you care for your family, and how kind you are to everyone you meet, and how much you make me laugh. You're tougher than anyone I know, and I'd listen to you talk about the things you love forever."
She blinks hard, her eyes shining as the breeze moves around us. And I suddenly lose the thread of every word I'd practiced, the whole memorized speech gone off the edge of the cliff, and realize I don't need it anyway.
"I want every day with you. I used to think I'd never be the type to settle down, but then you happened, and it finally made sense why I'd felt that way. It was because I just hadn't met you yet. After that, it was the most obvious thing in the world." My voice goes thick. "I told you once that I wasn't worried about how this ends, that I already knew. This is it, Ace. I want to spend the rest of my life making yours as good as you've made mine. Will you marry me?"
She launches herself at me, nearly knocking me flat into the grass, her arms flying around my neck as I rock back on my knee and just barely keep the two of us upright, both of us laughing too hard for it to be graceful.
"Is that a yes?" I manage.
"Yes!" she says, somewhere between a shout and a laugh.
I catch her left hand and slide the ring into place, and she holds it up to the last of the light, beaming at it, then at me, her whole face glowing brighter than the lanterns.
I climb to my feet and haul her up with me, and then I just keep going, sweeping her clean off the ground. She shrieks,laughing as I spin her, the sound ringing out over the cliffs and the whole roaring Atlantic.
"We're getting married," she says against my mouth when I finally set her down.
