Page 64 of Playing Dirty
"I bet it does." She sighs, then a smile creeps in. "Though I'd wager a certain sommelier's been softening the blow?"
"Aye." I can't help smiling back. "The only time I'm not drowning in it is when I'm with her."
"She's sound, Cillian. I can see exactly why she's the one who finally made you want to trade in the bachelor life."
"We'll see." I laugh, nudging a pebble off the path with my toe. "I told her how I felt after the incident. But she's got that strict rule about athletes, and we're waiting until we're back in the States and off the clock to figure it out."
"Well,I'mrooting for you both. It's nice, seeing you with someone who makes you happy. And she's clearly good for you. Smart as a whip, sooo sweet, but with enough bite to keep you on your toes."
"I'm glad you like her. Thanks, Fee."
I don't usually put much weight on other people's opinions about who I date, and where Margot's concerned, no one stands a chance of changing my mind anyway. But if anyone's opiniondoesmatter to me, it's Fiadh's.
"And Cillian.” She shifts her weight, her gaze dropping. "It was a brave thing you did for her, stepping in like that. I'm proud of you. You've always been the one to jump in when someone needs it, and I know this one cost you plenty. But you're a good man. That counts for more than any of the rest."
I study her for a beat. "I appreciate you saying that, Fee. Ireally do. And I'm sorry if tonight dragged any of those old memories back to the surface for you."
"It didn't." She gives a slow shake of her head, her gaze fixed on the quiet street. "That's ancient history now."
"I've never said this to you." Finding the right words is a struggle, and I find myself fiddling with the car key in my pocket. "But everything that happened with Margot... it brought it all back. I was so angry back then. At that piece of shit, of course. But I was just as furious with myself for choosing some meaningless team commitment over flying home for your birthday. I couldn't stop thinking that if I'djustbeen there like I was supposed to be, maybe it wouldn’t have happened."
"Cillian, there was no way for you to know," she says, her voice steady and certain. "I have never, not for a single second, held you responsible. He's the only one who deserves the blame."
"No, sorry, shit." I shake my head. "I'm not looking for you to soothe my conscience. That's the last thing I wanted. The whole problem is I think I made it aboutmeback then. I'm trying to apologize for that."
Her brow creases. "What are you talking about?"
"For after. I wanted to find him and kill him, and I put everything I had into being angry. I don't think I was ever actually there for you. You were the one going through it, and you didn't need me plotting revenge. You needed me to show up and not make it about myself. And I never did apologize for that. So. I'm sorry, Fee."
She's quiet a long moment, looking up at me in the dim light, her eyes shining.
"For the record," she says softly, "you were there. I remember how angry you were, but I also remember you just sitting with me when I needed to have a good cry. And I got through it. It took therapy and work and time, but I feel good these days. Really."
I manage a small, tight smile. "You're easily one of the toughest people I know, Fee."
"I know." She grins. "Honestly, with the amount of therapy I've logged, I'm practically a licensed professional myself."
"Aye, you're a regular Dr. Freud, aren't you?" I chuckle, nudging her shoulder. "I just want you to know you can lean on me, Fee. Whenever you need it."
"I know I can." She bumps her shoulder into mine, her expression softening. "But I'm sound, honestly."
I nod, looking down the row of parked cars. "I hope I didn't make it all harder for Margot. My reaction being violence, the press circus, her having to deal with the fallout."
"Well." A small smile tugs at the corner of her mouth. "We had a proper chat while you were losing that card game to Lily earlier. I think she was actually grateful you stepped in, based on how she talked about it. You got quite the glowing review, for what it's worth. Plus, I'm firmly of the mind that men who think they can lay hands on a woman deserve to be decked."
A laugh cracks out of me, and she smiles, pleased with herself.
"Enough with the heavy talk." She wipes her eyes and straightens her shoulders. "For the record, I'm glad I got stuck with you for a brother."
"I'm really glad you're my sister too, Fee."
She pats my arm and heads back toward the house, calling over her shoulder, "Now go get my boxes, you great dolt, before Mam sends out a search party."
It's well past midnight, and one by one my sisters have peeled off, the night winding down after hours of stories and chat and steadily vanishing wine. I've ended up at the sink, loading thelast of the dishes into the dishwasher while Margot leans against the counter beside me.
"I had no idea you were so domestic," she says, watching me stack the plates.
"I'm an awful cook." I slot a glass into the top rack. "So growing up, the dishwasher and the cleaning were about the only kitchen jobs anyone trusted me with."
