Page 110 of Don't Fall for the Goalie

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I shouldn’t.

God, I know I shouldn’t.

But I do anyway.

I slowly turn around, her hand moving with me.

I stop, studying her in the darkness.

She’s close enough that I can see every detail. The concern. Softness. Warmth.

She’s looking at me like I matter. Like I’m worth something.

“You’re hurting,” she says softly.

I swallow hard. My throat burns.

I don’t know how to explain this. How to explain the fear. The helplessness.

The constant terror that loving someone means eventually becoming the thing that destroys them.

I squeeze my eyes shut briefly.

And immediately see my mother crying.

My father raging.

The feeling of being too weak to stop any of it.

No.

I won’t do that to Peyton.

I won’t become him.

I won’t?—

Arms suddenly wrap around me.

I go completely still.

My brain short-circuits for a second.

No one... no one has ever held me like this before.

“I don’t know what’s hurting you,” Peyton murmurs against my chest. “But I can’t stand seeing you like this.”

Something inside me cracks.

My arms move before I can stop them, wrapping around her. Pulling her closer and holding on too tightly. Like if I let go, I’ll completely fucking fall apart.

She doesn’t complain. Doesn’t pull away.

Her hand slides slowly up and down my back, steady and calming. Like she knows exactly what I need.

We stand there in the dark for a long time, just holding each other. Breathing together.

Eventually, she pulls back slightly, just enough to look up at me.

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