Page 134 of Nutmeg + Mistletoe
I back her against the wall, my shadow swallowing hers. She stares up at me. She’s still glistening from her workout but the heat in her eyes isn’t from the gym.
“I’ve sat and watched you parade Darren Jones in front of me—”
“You havenotsat and watched! You made sure, every single time I went out with him, that I had you on my mind.”
“But still…I let you go, Eslin.”
Her chin tilts in defiance. “Let me? As in permission?”
“No. As in your freedom, Es. I’m trying to give you that freedom. And you have to give me the same.”
The elevator dings for her floor, but I haven’t been this close to her in days and I’m not ready to let this moment die.
My hand finds her waist. My eyes drag over her—how the black sports bra and pants cling to every curve, the way her chest still rises and falls like she’s been running from something she can’t shake.
Maybe me.
“This is me,” she whispers, her head angling towards the elevator doors.
I pull her closer until my need is pressed against her, making it impossible for her not to feel exactly what she does to me every fucking time she’s near.
“Does he touch you? Have you let him touch you?”
Her breath hitches. “Why?”
“Youknowwhy.”
“Grant—”
“Does he make you want to forget me? Forget my touch?”
Her answer is barely a whisper, shaky and raw. “No.”
It’s not enough. I need it spelled out, carved into the air between us. “No, what? No, he doesn’t touch you…or no, he doesn’t make you want to forget me?”
Her gaze flickers down, then rises again, locking with mine. Those big, dark eyes—equal parts defiance and surrender—shake me like they always do. “All of it. No to all of it, Grant.”
She swallows, her voice softer now. “I promised.”
And that word…promised…lands in my chest like a match in dry grass. That night at the Halloween party immediately rushing to mind.
My hands find her neck, my forehead pressing to hers.
“I’m sorry for this.”
She closes her eyes. “Sorry for what?”
“All of it,” I whisper.
The elevator dings again. The doors open and close. But neither of us moves.
“I’m sorry for making you make that promise. For touching you like I owned you. For touching you like once would be enough. For making myself believe I could be near you and be fine.”
A tear escapes down her cheek and I kiss it, then lick it.
“Eslin? If you want me to do better at letting you go, say it now. I’ll go into hiding again. I’ll stay away. I’ll disappear if that’s what it takes for you not to get distracted by me.”
She opens her eyes, holding mine. “And what doesnotdoing better look like?”
