Page 39 of Once Bitten
“That doesn’t sound right; he spoils her rotten; everybody knows that.”
“That’s how it is now that things have calmed down, plus the kids have mellowed him out. But make no mistake, that craziness is still there. Sis has learned how to maneuver around him; more power to her, but she’s basically a captive. She can’t go anywhere beyond city limits without my brother knowing.”
“If she wants to have a night out with her friends, he has to know in advance.”
“That just sounds like normal relationship courtesy.” Oh, you poor fool! You have no idea what I have been trying to save you from?
On the other hand, I think she’d just given me an out. Knowing her, I expect her to make me suffer for my past injustice. I have no problem accepting whatever she threw at me,but maybe there was a way to soften the blow and get out from under this dark cloud once and for all.
“Jessica, who are you kidding? Your father raised you to be independent, even though he still treats you like a baby. I know how tough you are. There’s no way you can live like that.”
“Are you trying to say that your sister-in-law is stronger than me?” There it is, that competitive streak I knew so well.
“It’s not that; it’s just, you know, you two are different. Her father wasn’t the coddling type. She’s a bit tougher.” I was talking out of my ass, but she didn’t need to know that. She bristled just as I expected.
“Are you calling me soft?”
“Oh no, no nothing like that.”
Don’t laugh or she’d skin you for sure, but it was hard keeping a straight face. If she ever finds out that I’m just playing her, she’d probably castrate me. She turned in my arms to fully face me, her little face tight with annoyance.
“This is your way of apologizing? First, you insult me, then you call me soft? Should I punch you in the face to show you how tough I am?” I wanted to roll my eyes but knowing that she would do it held me in check.
“No violence, please; we’re having a civilized conversation.” My lips twitched at the murderous look that came into her eyes.
“Are you purposely trying to annoy the shit out of me?” Yes, anything to take away that hurt look in your eyes. After all these years, the pain is still deep.
Back then, I was sure I was doing the right thing. Now I’m not so certain. There was still one thing I hadn’t told her, the one thing I had kept to myself all these years. But it was so revealing…. No, she deserved to know; maybe knowing would help ease some of that pain.
“Don’t you want to know why I wanted to protect you back then, at the cost of my own happiness?” Her brow furrowed as she looked up at me.
“Are you going to say something stupid again?” I shook my head no and lowered it to kiss her forehead. “Fine, then tell me.”
“It’s because I was already in love with you.” She stiffened for a second, then relaxed back in my arms. “You…you were in love with me?” Her voice was soft and filled with doubt. I squeezed her tight and rubbed my chin against her hair.
“Yes, I don’t know when I fell in love with you, to be exact. Maybe it was when you were a teenager, trying out your wings the first time I turned you down. Either way, you were always either too young or the timing was off. Whenever I was, it’s always been there.”
“The reason I wanted to protect you is that I only saw the dark side of this thing; that’s why I’ve always called it a curse.”
“And now?”
“Now I’m not sure. I only know that we can’t go back. I can’t go back to living without you.”
I was still a bit nervous about what the hell that meant. Where was all this leading, and would I turn into a madman like my little brother? Will I explode, go up in flames if she leaves me one day? My arms tightened painfully around her, and she struggled to escape. I wasn’t even aware that I was doing that shit.
“You can’t ever leave me. Not now, not ever. I gave you a chance. I even suffered through you being with someone else; that’s how much I love you. I wanted you to have something normal, even though it was killing me. So can you please not be too hard on me?”
I felt like I’d finally let go of something too heavy to carry. That weight that had been on my shoulders for years was nowgone. Saying the words out loud seemed to have eased the band around my chest, and I could breathe easy again.
Hiding my true feelings from her and the rest of the world had been draining. The thing I feared most now seemed insignificant. Now that I think about that unnatural fear, it seems not to matter as much as I imagined.
It’s not that I hate my brother or look down on him, far from it. It’s just that this thing seems to have a mind of its own and there’s no way to combat it. I watched it take him over, control his every move where his woman was concerned, and it all seemed to be too much.
My brother has always been the more easy-going of the two of us. If he could go as far as he had, what would I be capable of? I didn’t understand this kind of love, and I still don’t. There’s a sense of smothering in there somewhere; I can feel it even now.
As much as my mind says to give her freedom and let her live her life, my heart was staunchly against it. She had more than enough time to run; now she was back there, and there was no way I was letting her go again. If she wants a pound of my flesh, then so be it. It’s all hers anyway.
“Now you know the truth; there’s no going back for you.”
