Page 49 of Scars
He takes a stumbling step, as if I struck him. “You’re right. I did. And I’m paying my penance. I lost.” Those bright blue eyes burn into mine. “You were right all along. I lost the game before it’d even begun.”
The reminder of our conversation in his office from what feels like a lifetime ago flashes through my mind.“If, at anymoment, you even think about crossing a line, I’ll kill you. There will be no warnings.”
“You shouldn’t have trusted me with him.” The trembling is back. “You should have killed me before I lost all respect in your eyes.”
“I still respect you, Hollis. At least, the man I knew you to be. The one I know you are when you’re with those you love. I would make similar choices, if the roles were reversed. Emilio’s safety has always been my priority. I told you that.”
I nod. “You did. And I fucked that all up when I failed you.” The tears that didn’t come before now flow freely, leaving my face wet and sticky, and the lump in my throat makes me feel as if I’m speaking through glass.
“I’m the one that did the unthinkable. I proved I’ve always been the villain, so how couldyouhave failed?”
“You’re Ten’s,” I say simply. “As rights go, I should have claimed you too. I should have let you know you were safe with me—from me. Hell, I should have let you go the moment I gave you Lio back.”
“I get it. You’re the Owner, the one at the head of the hierarchy. The one who gets all the control. I know I’ll never be your equal.”
Letting out a bitter laugh, I move to sit in one of the chairs. “You told me that, too. That you could never raise me to be on the same level as you.” I look at the floor, even when I hear him sit again. “The thing is, I…I tried once before. I allowed Benjamin freedom over Tennant, and look how great that turned out. I can’t be trusted to make the right choices.”
“Benjamin is his own person. So is Tennant. Whatever happens between them, that’s not a failing on your part.” His voice is kind, gentle, and I hate how fuckingnicehe’s being.
“Isn’t it?” I meet his eyes. “You said it yourself, I’m the Owner. I should have known better.”
“You took a calculated risk for someone you love. Same as I did when I was weighing up how much to let you in, for Emilio.”
We stare at each other for a long moment. The weight of who we are, and what we have become, sits heavily on our shoulders.
“At least, you got a warning,” he finally says.
“What?”
“You could have woken up with nothing. No warning, just a headache from being drugged, without the man you’re in love with, but don’t knowhowto love at your side.”
I see his pain. The vulnerability. The man he was, and the one he’s become. The man he could be. If he simply found his purpose, his balance. IfIhelped him find that.
Fuck, I’m so fucking sorry, Pup. I will go to my grave on my knees for you, and the pain I’ve caused you.
As it is, all I can do is stand, close the short distance between Sandro and I, and fall to my knees in front of him. His eyes widen as he stares at me.
I have to pause to wipe away my tears, taking the time to clean my glasses and regroup, before looking up at him. Reaching up, I grab his face with both hands, the soft hair of his beard tickling my palms.
“I can’t give you my submission,” I tell him. “But I don’t want yours either. I…you’re right. A Master and Owner can’t work together if one is above the other. But you’re no longer Il Padrone, are you?”
“No,” he answers.
“Who are you? Who’s Allesandro Martelli?”
He lets out a shaky breath. “I’m Lio’s. And…I think I’m Tennant’s.”
I nod. “You are. You captured the hearts, the love, the trust, of two people I would die for. Which makes youmine, Sandro. Mine to protect, to have, to care for.”
I close my eyes as he threads his hand through my messy hair, his fingers catching on the tangles there, because who the fuck knows when the last time I took a comb to it was.
“You once told me you could never submit because of what you’d been through.”
“That’s still true,” I whisper. “I can’t give up control, but…”
“But you know I lost everything because I held on too firmly to the beliefs that I had to be the one on top. I became Il Padrone because I was forced to, it’s how I survived. But I loved my Boys more than life itself.”
“I know that now. I…I do see you, Sandro. Even if I pretend I don’t. I just…fuck. I hate how much I ache when I look at you.”
