Page 40 of Scars
With my thumbs, I brush away his tears, my heart aching at the sight. The confusion in those bright green eyes steals my breath, and I understand why Keegan brought him to me. I grit my teeth, cursing the Dom, even as I dig deep to give Emilio what he needs.
“Kneel for me, Caro.”
Lio takes a shaky breath as he slides off my lap, going to his knees so beautifully that it tears me apart.This. The beauty of his submission is a gift I will forever treasure, even though I’ll never deserve it. I bite my tongue against those words, knowingmy therapist is right and I have to work on forgiving myself. But fuck, how can anyone look at Emilio and not see his intrinsic goodness? Even when bathed in blood, he’s so fucking pure.
I run my fingers through his hair as his eyes close, and I soak up the rightness of the moment. The inner peace that comes from having my Boy, the other half of my soul, nearby. Breathing out, I wish I could tell him how much I love him. How every beat of my heart is for him. But I’m lost, and I know it. Not to mention, like an arrow to the chest, I’m reminded of Hollis’s words that were thrown at me.
“I’m his Owner. And I will always come out on top.”
The truth of those words sits like ash on my tongue, a bitter venom invading my system. It’s not because I don’t want Emilio to have Hollis. No, I’m happy that he has the men in his life who care for him, who love him. It’s the suspicious glances, the clear warnings, that cut deep.
Except for Tennant, who magically has claimed me. And damn…I don’t know how to put that into words, how to ever express my gratitude. But… How can I be a Master when he’s already collared by someone else—even if it’s invisible to those who don’t know.
Glancing at the clock, I notice that there’s been enough time that Emilio should hopefully be ready to talk to me. The contentness that radiates from him almost makes me pause, but I can’t fix what’s going on without knowing what it is. With a heavy heart, I tug at his hair and stare in wonder as his eyes open, a serene bliss in them that I hate to shatter. Still, I need to reach the truth.
“Will you tell me what upset you?” I ask softly.
That one question is enough to switch his expression from tranquil to crestfallen. Yet, I can’t rewind time, or snatch the words back. Instead, I sit and wait patiently.
Emilio sighs and mutters, “I learned that Sarah is leaving. For theBratva.”
I stifle a laugh at the disgust in his voice. Truthfully, it wouldn’t matter why she’s leaving, but losing her to an ally—also a competitor—is even harder on my poor Boy. Humming, I try to think of any words that’ll ease his heavy heart.
“You know that she’ll still love you wherever she goes, right?” At his scowl, I change my approach, hoping to help him understand. “Change is scary. I know. But, it’s good. Think about all the changes you’ve been through, and how much better—how much richer—your life is now. Some of those were born of pain, but the outcome was worth it.
“For Sarah, she’ll miss us—especially you—and we’ll certainly miss her, but this is her opportunity to find true happiness. The old guard has fallen, but from there came the Council, and none of us regret that. You, Carter, and Roman are revolutionizing the field, and that’s something to be proud of, and to cherish. This is her time to shine now.”
“I still don’t like it.” His scowl deepens, before he chews his lower lip. I tug it out, running my thumb over the light marks left behind. After a moment’s hesitation, he finally asks the question most wouldn’t dare. “Do you miss it? Being Il Padrone?”
It’s an arrow to the chest. The blood may not be visible, but it pours out of the wound. However, I know my Emilio. It’s not something he’d ask carelessly, intending to harm. That’s the only thing that makes this tolerable.
Swallowing, I caress Emilio’s cheek as I try to figure out what to say. I gaze into his trusting eyes, and offer him the truth. Even as it feels like the very ground beneath me trembles, ready to open up and steal me whole. Because I know… The devil is waiting to collect what he’s owed, and while my soul belongs to Emilio now, eventually, the devil will claim it as victory.
“There are certain aspects I miss,” I say slowly, desperately hoping he’ll understand. “I wasn’t raised with the option to be anything else. I’ve loved baking for everyone. It’s relaxing. But… Yes, I miss my Boys.
“I miss, not necessarily being in charge, but the freedom and respect. Being able to go out and take care of things, because you know I never led from the back. That’s…not who I was. Still, I respect the Council. You’re doing amazing things. Things neither Cristian nor I could ever imagine. The cooperation is beautiful to see. We were very set in our ways, but you’ve opened our eyes. I wish I could have had that experience. I wish I hadn’t poisoned everything.”
“Master,” Emilio breathes out, but I stall him by tapping his lip with one of my fingers, knowing I’m not finished.
“Then there’s the other side of it. I miss who we used to be. Please know, I’m happy that you have the others, that you found your loves.” I beg him to understand, even as I give voice to the selfish toxicity that resides inside me. “But I miss my ring on your finger. Knowing you’ll be mine forever. Sharing you, my love, is easier than I expected because all I want is your happiness. At the end of the day, though, I want my stamp of possession on you, and yours on me.
“I miss being your Master and your Daddy the most. Being the man to carry you. That you trust, despite everything. So, yes, I will forever live in this conflicting state of happiness and sadness, and the most truthful of all—afraid.”
“Afraid?” Emilio whispers, tears gathering in the corner of his eyes, and the sight of it breaks me further.
“Yes, Caro. Afraid. It’s not an easy emotion for me. Before things changed, I knew who I was, and what I was supposed to do in this life. Everything was laid out in front of me. Even though becoming Il Padrone was…painful, it was all I knew. Now? It’s like I'm spinning out of control. I’m not sure what I’msupposed to do. I’m not sure who I’m supposed to be. And I’m not sure how to help those I love.”
“You’re who you need to be. You’re my Master. My Papa Bear.” I brush away his tears as they start to fall, but we’ve gone too far for me to stop now.
“I…I can give you what you need with domination. With sadism. But, I’m not your Master, Sweetheart. Not anymore. You have an Owner who makes the decisions. He’s made it clear he’s in charge, and that’s okay. If it makes you happy, that’s all I want. Hollis is an amazing man.” My heart is breaking, and I hate myself, even though I’m giving him the honesty he’s asked for. “And another man—an even better man—claimed your heart as a Daddy.”
Emilio’s eyes harden as he jumps to his feet, his hands clenched tightly into fists. It steals my breath. This… This is Death standing in front of me, and I know it. My fingers tremble as I grab the arms of the chair, trying to steady myself.
“You. Are. Wrong,” he states, his voice low and deadly. It’s hypnotic, drawing me in. “You are my Master. You always will be. My heart…it beats for you. Do you think I’m weak?”
“No. Never, Caro.” The soft vulnerability of my Boy still lingers, but the man in front of me… That’s the weapon I created, the crown jewel amongst all the Boys, and the monster that meets my own. “I could never see you as weak. Not after everything you’ve been through—whether it’s what I’ve put you through or others. And still, you hold out forgiveness for others, even after everything that you’ve gone through. Ithumblesme. Daily.”
A bark of unhumorous laughter erupts from Emilio, and a shiver slides down my spine. “Who do you think taught me forgiveness? It was you. Of all the Boys you cherish, how many should have been killed, but weren’t? Who taught me to embrace myself? You. I would not be here if it wasn’t for you. Don’t thinkthat I somehow left you alive and will let you flounder. Fuck that. No, we are going to get through this. Together. But don’t you dare give up. Don’t. You. Dare.”
