Page 27 of Aaric
When I look in the mirror as I wash my hands, I wince.My face is swollen and white.My entirebodyis swollen.I ache from head to toe.I’m not a complainer because it won’t do any good, and no one has ever been around to listen to me, but I’m close to breaking down into tears.
Didn’t I cry enough yesterday?It’s like all the crying I could have done for the past few years built up, and it’s all rushing out of me now that I’m safe, with someone who doesn’t reprimand me every time tears well up.
I cry silently for a few minutes before splashing water on my face and taking several deep breaths.After drying off on the soft hand towel, I leave the bathroom.I’m still wearing Aaric’s T-shirt and the leggings, but the reality is I haven’t been this clean in a long time.The bath yesterday was luxurious, though.Maybe he’ll let me take another one after breakfast.Why am I so tired?
I pause three times on the way to the main room, out of breath as though I’ve been walking for miles.I wasn’t this physically exhausted during the four days it took me to get here.
Aaric turns to face me while I’m holding on to the back of the couch.He drops the spatula on the counter and rushes to my side.“You okay, honey?”
“Just oddly tired.”I let him help me to the table.
“I should think so.I still can’t believe how far you walked.I looked at your map.Honey, that would have been challenging for someone who wasn’t pregnant.”
“I was determined.”
“I see that, and I’m so glad.But I wish you hadn’t had to endure that hike in your condition.”
When I’m seated, he gives me two glasses—one of orange juice and one of water.I down the orange juice immediately and feel better for it.
Aaric brings a giant platter of food over and two plates.He sets one in front of me and hands me a serving spoon.“Take as much as you’d like.”
It smells so good, and I’m starving again, but I try not to dish up more than I think I can eat.Bacon, fried eggs, hashbrowns, and toast.
Aaric settles next to me.“I’m certain you’ve lived your entire life with food insecurities, Hannah, and worrying about your next meal is ingrained, but I want you to know those days are over.You will not go hungry.There will always be food here for you.You don’t need to overeat, nor do you need to clean your plate if you’re full.Eat what you want.If you’re hungry again in an hour, I’ll fix you something else.”
He’s right.That’s really hard to imagine.I’ve never in my life had enough food.I’ve even learned to scarf it down out of fear it might be taken away.
“Is there anything you want that you don’t see on the table, honey?”
“No.This is so good.You’re spoiling me.”
He grins.“This is how a man should treat a woman.I’ll never stop.”
It’s so hard to chew and swallow slowly, but I do.It seems like there’s not enough room in my stomach today.Is the baby sitting lower or something?
“Are you okay, sunshine?You’re quiet.”
“I think so.I’m just so tired, and it seems hard to eat.”
He sets his hand over mine.“Don’t force yourself.Eat what you want.Maybe you’ll feel hungrier in a while.”
I manage to finish what’s on my plate and drink all the water.I’m so stuffed.I feel like I’m going to explode.But I suspect there’s a good reason for that.A human is in my stomach, taking up far too much space.
“Do you want to lie down again, honey?”Aaric asks, his brows furrowed with concern.
I look at him and hesitate.I’ve been here for one day.I shouldn’t feel as comfortable as I do.It’s hard for me to trust that he won’t get mad if I ask for what I want.I’ve never had the freedom to do so.I haven’t had the ability to “go lie down again” in years.It’s not a concept I would even consider.
I would never ever have let myself be “lazy” in Presley’s home or my own after my mother died.Dad said Rebekah and I were grown up and needed to fill our Mama’s shoes.Sometimes, he wasn’t home, and then we relaxed a bit, but when he was, we were not idle.
Aaric scoots his chair back, reaches for the edges of mine, and squares me up with him.He sets his hands on my thighs.“Talk to me.You can tell me anything.Ask me anything.”
“Would it be okay if I took another bath?”My words tremble a bit.
“Honey, you never have to ask if you can take a bath.Take five a day if you want.You don’t need permission to eat, either.Open the fridge, grab whatever appeals to you, and eat it.”
Tears well up, but I fight them, keeping my jaw tight.All I can do is nod.
“Please be careful getting in and out of the tub.I’m worried about you climbing over the edge.If you need help, ask for it.”
