Page 104 of Twilight Tides
“I don’t mind. I mean, I don’t want to see it, but if you’re worried about telling me, you don’t need to be worried. I like London.” She patted the arm of the cardigan as if it represented my wife.
What I’d always feared in this arrangement with London was Kelly getting attached only for London and me to fall apart. “Well, we’re not certain of anything. We’re just seeing how it goes. That’s why we didn’t want to tell you.”
Kelly seemed confused, her gaze searching. “But you love her, Dad. I can tell.”
Fuck, that shredded me. I jerked my head forward because my eyes burned with emotion. “I have more than me to think of.”
“If you mean me, then I don’t think you can really choosenotto love someone just because you’re worried what I think.”
My daughter’s wise words hurt me more. “M’eudail,” I whispered.
“I’m always going to be a wee bit afraid, you know.” Kelly nudged me. “Will London hurt us like Jill hurt us? I can’t help those thoughts. But I’ll get over them, Dad.”
“You don’t need to get over anything. You’ve had enough getting over things for the sake of other people to last you a lifetime.”
“I’ll get over them, Dad,” Kelly repeated, her expression fierce. “Because you are always trying to make everyone happy before you think of yourself. And London makes you happier than I’ve ever seen you.”
Until this morning.
“You make her happy too, Dad.”
Until this morning.
Since I couldn’t admit the truth, I smiled at my daughter, wrapping my arm around her shoulders to draw her against me. The cardigan smelled of my wife’s perfume. That ache in my chest flared again. Ignoring it, I pressed a kiss to the top of Kelly’s head and whispered, “Do you know how much I love you, m’eudail?”
“I do.” She cuddled deeper into my side. “I love you too.” Then she glanced up at me, eyes searching mine again. “You should tell London you love her.”
If she felt me stiffen at the suggestion, she didn’t mention it.
Instead, she leaned her head against my shoulder and watched the night beyond our home. “London deserves to be told she’s loved. The people who were supposed to love her didn’t do it right. She deserves to be loved by someone like you, Dad.”
Emotion choked me, my nose and eyes stinging at my daughter’s timely and poignant reminder.
As hurt as I was by London comparing me to Nick, I needed to put myself in her shoes. What happened to her was not a normal breaking down of a relationship. That man had twisted her into emotional and mental knots. He’d terrorized her. Alienated her from her friends. Controlled her.
And I was wrong telling Tierney what London had shared in confidence.
The issue wasn’t if I could forgive her for saying what she said.
The issue was if London could see past her own fears enough to realize that what I had done hadn’t come from a need to control her.
She felt suddenly very far away.
Too far away.
Panic threatened to overwhelm me, but I took a deep breath, feeling Kelly’s solid weight against me, a reminder to stay grounded and in the moment.
I’d give London the weekend and then as soon as she returned, we would talk this thing out. I just had to hope that she wanted me enough to forgive my mistake.
38.London
Taran and I walked into the hotel’s stylish breakfast room the next morning and spotted Cammie and Nee already at a table. Despite the sensory overload of the huge crystal chandelier in the center of the room, the autumnal mulberry wallpaper, crystal wall sconces, and floral arrangements on every table, I zoned in on Nee. Trepidation followed me as we walked toward the table where she sat with Cammie. Last night I’d tossed and turned for a while until physical exhaustion finally dragged me into sleep. Taran and I had taken turns getting ready in the bathroom this morning and I felt guilty for how quiet and tense I was.
I was absolutely ruining this weekend for her.
Cammie saw us before we reached the table. She stood abruptly. “You’re going to sit here with Tierney and I’m going to sit on the other side of the room with Taran.”
I gaped at her, somewhat stunned. Though, to be fair, it was more surprising it had taken this long for Cammie to say something about the situation. She wasn’t exactly known for reserving her opinions.
