Page 85 of Dance for Me
I hiss when the back of my head connects with the pillow, kind of wishing I was still unconscious.
Harper’s head snaps up at the sound, looking around frantically as if she’s expecting a threat to be standing in the doorway. She doesn’t see anyone, and her body relaxes as she turns back to the bed.
Her eyes connect with mine, and I think this panic might be worse than a threat. It’s like she’s stuck between happy and overwhelmed, her face not knowing what to make of the mixed emotions. She jumps up, starting to turn away from the bed, muttering something about needing a nurse, when I reach out and catch her pinky in mine.
“Colton…”
I try to talk but only an embarrassing squeak comes out. She shifts again, and my hold on her tightens. I’ll never speak again if she just stays.
She covers my hand with her other, “I’m just going to the end of the bed to get you water. I’m not leaving.” She emphasizes the last part with a soft squeeze of my hand as she nods to the end of the bed where a rolling cart sits, topped with a pitcher of water and glasses.
She lets go of my hand, filling a glass of water quickly and coming back to my side. She tips the straw to my mouth, and I take a long pull, hoping the cool water will make the back of my throat feel a little less like sandpaper.
“Is that better?” she asks, moving the cup back to the tray before returning to the side of the bed. I nod, memorizing her features in case this is the last time I get to see her. She stayed with me because I was hurt, and because she would feel responsible for what happened. It doesn’t mean that she is here for me. It doesn’t mean anything.
I want it to mean everything.
“Okay, great. I should go get the nurse?—”
“When I was fourteen, I got a boner in algebra, and I panicked that I had some weird attraction to math problems and I was scared to do my homework.”
“Colton, I don’t?—”
“I love pineapple on pizza. I know people think it’s gross, but I don’t get how people don’t like it. It’s the perfect combo of sweet and savory together.”
“Oh God, you have brain damage,” she says, staring at me wide-eyed. I smile, thinking of all the things I want to tell her.
“The first week I got my license, I hit our garbage can. That night the wind was so bad that my dad assumed something had blown into it and dented it. I never corrected him.” That one makes her smile. Probably because it’s a little wicked.
“Why are you telling me all of this?” she asks, her voice softer than I’ve ever heard it.
“I don’t want to keep anything from you ever again,” I breathe out, trying to steel my nerves for the rejection that I deserve. “I know what I did was wrong—I know that. I knew it while I was doing it. But I was—I was afraid. That once you knew, it would break us, this,” I nod between us. “I kept thinking I could find a way to explain it, some way that would make what I did okay, but it wasn’t and now…” I trail off when she lowers her gaze to where my pinky brushes against hers. “I don’t know how to fix it, but I will spend every day of my life proving to you that you can trust me. That I am worthy of you.”
I exhale loudly, feeling winded. I don’t know if I sustained some kind of lung injury, but right now I would believe it.
“Why do you call me sunshine?” she asks, voice stronger than before, not harsh, just curious. She’s never asked me before why I gave her that nickname, why I gave her a nickname of the light when she thinks the only place for her is in the shadows.
“Look at me.”
She does, with no hesitation in the movement.Finally. I almost wish she had given me a small pause. I needed the extra time to prepare for the anger and loathing I had grown accustomed to over the last few weeks.
But all I see is sunshine.
“Your eyes. You have this ring of yellow in the center, and it changes throughout the day. A lot of the time it shifts with what you wear, sometimes it’s darker, like a burned gold, but a lot of the time it’s more like a sunflower yellow,” I smile, the different colors of Harper running through my mind like a perfect slideshow. “The first time we met though, it was different. They weren’t gold or sunflower, not caramel or amber. You were living sunshine.” I cough once, and she looks ready to grab the water again, but I keep going. Needing to get this out before I lose my nerve. “I knew that day I never wanted to live a day without your sunshine.”
She runs a finger under her eye, and I realize she’s crying.
“Harper—”
“I thought you were going to die,” she blurts out, and I can’t help the chuckle that escapes.
“For a while there, I thought you were going to be the one to do the deed,” I laugh, the pain shooting through my skull, but when she laughs at my joke, the pain fades away.
“I thought you were going to die with—without ever knowing that I love you.” She says the last part so fast that it sounds like one long word.
“I’m sorry, you’re going to have to say that again for me. I’ve been told I might have brain damage. I need to make sure I caught that correctly,” I say, lifting a hand to cup my ear before she bats it away and sits on the edge of my bed. She runs a hand up my jaw, pressing her forehead to mine.
“I love you, Colton Graves.”
