Page 64 of The Best Friend
‘I’m giving you space,’ he says. ‘It must have been traumatic, so I’m trying to be… I dunno, quietly supportive, I suppose.’
‘Okay, well can we talk about it now?’
He bites his lower lip and nods. I was expecting more from him – either a,what the hell’s going onkind of thing or maybe an,oh my God, Lou how are you?What happened? This strange silence is unnerving.
‘You do know that Mike’s death is absolutely nothing to do with me, don’t you?’
He nods, looking unconvinced.
‘Jared…’
‘Louisa, I don’t know. You’ve been acting so differently lately. I’m wondering… if maybe you’ve been having some kind of breakdown. I know you’d never normally do anything to hurt anyone… Maybe you should go and see a doctor. I can come with you if you like.’
‘You think I’m having a breakdown?’ I press my palms flat on the table, splaying them wide like a dead starfish.
‘I think life is getting on top of you and it might be a good idea if you talk to someone about it.’
‘A psychiatrist?’
‘Or your GP.’
‘Is this your idea?’ I grit my teeth and raise an eyebrow.
He looks down at his feet. ‘Okay, don’t get mad, but Darcy said…’
‘Fucking Darcy!’ I interrupt. ‘She thinks I should go and see a doctor? This just gets better and better. Can’t you see what she’s doing? How she’s making me out to be this crazy person. But I’m not. And everything I do or say just makes things worse. I can’t deal with this any more.’
‘Louisa…’
‘No! You know me, Jared. You know me. We’ve been together for years. Have I ever acted this way before?’
‘No—’
‘Exactly! It’s her.It’s all her.’ I scrape my chair back and rise to my feet. ‘She’s done all this to split us up. It’s some kind of vendetta or plan. I don’t know why, but she’s been trying to ruin my life all along, and she’s succeeding. You’re letting her succeed.’
‘Louisa,’ Jared says, his so voice quiet and sad that I stop talking and look at him. ‘Louisa, I’m sorry but I can’t do this any more. I think we need a break.’
‘No. No, please.’ Tears fall and I taste salt on my lips. ‘She’s winning,’ I cry. ‘She’s ruining everything. I love you, Jared. Please.’
‘I think it’s best if you go to your sister’s and Joe stays here with me. You need rest.’
‘I don’t want this to split us apart. Please.’
‘I just need… I need a break from all this Darcy stuff,’ he says. ‘It’s too much, Lou. You haven’t talked about anything else for weeks. You’re not interested in my new business. You don’t want to go out or have fun. And now this thing with Mike… and the police coming here and searching our home. It’s so screwed up. I want the old you back.’
‘I am the old me,’ I say. ‘None of this is my fault. I had nothing to do with Mike’s murder. It’s—’
‘Darcy.’ Jared finishes my sentence. ‘This is exactly what I’m talking about, Louisa, look, I didn’t want to bring this up, but didn’t your real mum have some kind of breakdown when she was your age? Wasn’t that the reason you were adopted? Maybe…’
‘What? You think I’m genetically programmed to go nuts? Thanks a lot, Jared. I can’t believe you’d say that to me!’ I move away from the table and start pacing the kitchen, chewing at the corner of my thumbnail.
He knows I don’t like talking about my past, about the abuse I suffered at the hands of my birth parents. I’ve always made sure that Joe’s had the gentlest of childhoods. I never so much as raise my voice to him. That Jared could accuse me of being anything like my mother makes my blood boil.
‘I don’t think you’re nuts,’ Jared says. ‘I just think you’re not thinking straight at the moment, and it would be good for us to have some time apart.’
I glower at him. I know bloody well what he meant. He was comparing me to my mother. He’s worrying I’m going to lose the plot like she did.
‘I’m serious, Lou. I want us to take a break. And I want Joe to stay with me, so you can rest and get back to normal.’
