Page 22 of Say He's Ready
“Why not? It’s working with kids still, right?” he asked. I wanted to explain, but I didn’t know how. My issue with the state work wasn’t the work it was the reason behind the work. I doubted anyone would see it that way. Especially Houston, considering that’s how we met.
“Let me lead with meeting you is the best thing that has come from my state position,” I joked. He winked and leaned back. “The state job wasn’t something I asked for. My father created a position and here we are. I love working with kids. And I know I should be pleased to do it no matter what the circumstances are, but I have many issues with being obligated to do anything.”
“That’s why you didn’t want to work with Malone for my services,” he nodded.
“Well sort of, I didn’t want us to start off with that I scratch your back and you scratch mine attitude. Things aren’t organic that way.”
“I understand that, and I can’t say I blame you. But I honestly felt it was just a way to keep you close.”
“Oh really? What if I said I wanted to reconsider then?”
“I’d be inclined to consider it and most likely say hell yes,” he responded with a smirk.
“You intrigue me,” I answered because he did just that. I wondered and wanted to know so much. His strength was commendable. I couldn’t imagine the things he endured or dealt with throughout theyears. I was intrigued by how well he handled it even if it was on the surface.
“Nah, Teaghan you intrigue me. You are beautiful, kind, ambitious and so damn considerate. I just want your energy right now any way you are willing to give it.”
“My energy is free so don’t take advantage of it,” I replied sending my warning shots. Houston’s looks didn’t diminish how important my time was. I spent a lot of my time wasting it on others that showed the tell-tale signs of it being a bad decision. But this time I couldn’t get caught up on the surface. The good looks, the accomplishments on paper, and the fact that it was easy for me to open my heart without much resistance. I needed something a little deeper and a lot more moving.
“I don’t plan on doing any of that. You do understand things won’t be easy for me?” he asked sending his own set of warning shots.
“I don’t want easy. Remember I want organic. If we are meant to grow, it will happen as long as we take care of the foundation and ensure we nurture, prune, and get rid of the weeds that hold us as individuals back,” I said with a shrug.
“Then we can move forward and nurture the things that hold us back as a whole,” he countered.
“Precisely, I don’t want to move forward if you don’t understand the things that make me, me. I have my apprehensions but I’m a woman that has gone after everything I wanted. This is no different. It may cause pain, a burn, or even ill feelings but I can’t walk away not knowing what could have been.”
“I went to see her,” he admitted catching me off guard.
“And?”
“I felt lighter. I didn’t feel the hold. I owe you a thank you for calling me out. I don’t believe in haunting and shit, but I felt like she was haunting me because I hadn’t been back. I plan to take Malone soon. He deserves the chance to move on in his way and on his terms.”
“I’m glad you brought that up. There’s nothing wrong with Malone. Malone doesn’t need me as a doctor. He needs you to be a father. It’s time for you to be more than his provider.” Malone didn’t need to be medicated nor did he need special accommodations. Hischarts showed no indication of ADHD. He wasn’t aggressive; he was misunderstood. I couldn’t in good faith prescribe or recommend anything but love and truth for Malone.
“I know. But I’m wired differently, and my first step is taking him to his mother. I’m open to answering any questions he has. Thank you again,” he said, grabbing my hand from across the table.
A phone vibrating in the distance could be heard faintly. It stopped and started again alarming us both. Checking our phones it was his. Once he answered, I knew the date was over from the way his begging eyes reached mine. “That was Luke, I’ve got to get Malone earlier than planned. I’m really sorry.”
I couldn’t say I wasn’t disappointed, but I understood. Preparing to be second in his life was going to take a while for me but I had to allow him to be what I would want him to be for my children if the shoe was on the other foot. The date was going well and now it was ending. That’s what I hated the most. It wasn’t his fault, but I had to get used to it.
“Don’t apologize, I can get an Uber. Go handle Malone.”
“You crazy if you think I’m leaving like that. I promise to make time or a way for you both to have me. Let me get you home.”
Standing to my feet, I grabbed his hand as he led me to the car. The entire drive was silent once again. My mind was idle and being used as the devil's playground. My thoughts were only on not being able to migrate but being second. Hell, maybe even third. Malone, his wife and me. That’s where I imagined I fit in. This would never work and right now I knew I had to cut my losses even though I had a perfect understanding that this wasn’t personal.
Pulling up to my home, we sat in the car and finally I had something to say, “Houston, if dating is too much for you right now. I need to hear you say it now before we get invested and feelings get hurt. I’ve told you that I needed someone who was ready. And I mean that in every way. Not just because you got a feeling or because I’ve made it impossible for you to tell me no. Be honest and be realistic, because I am.”
“At this point, I think it’s you who’s worried about yourself, not about the decision I’ll make. I need some patience and a little understanding. I’m a father first before anything. If that’s too much foryou, you need to be the one to speak up. Teaghan, I feel something that I haven’t felt in a long time, and it’s just simple interest. No grand gestures, no moving words. Interest, it’s something that seemed like it would never come. I’m in this if you are.”
“We shall talk soon. Tell my buddy I said hey, and brag about my spaghetti, will you?” I said with a small smile. I wasn’t used to be called out, but he had just done that and so damn eloquently. I was cutting him down at the knees before we even had a chance. Malone was his first priority, and as hard as it was going to be, it was important that I gave it an honest shot or back off.
Houston
Arriving at Luke’s I hoped everything was good. It was rare that Luke called to me to get Malone early or at all. It was always me calling to get him back because I missed laying eyes on him. Shawn and Luke had been a big help. A bigger help than they knew but something was up, and I knew it wasn’t going to be good news. There was an extra car in the driveway. A car I hadn’t seen before.
Knocking at the door Shawn answered with a worried look on her face. It was almost as if she was attempting to apologize without words. I retreated because again something wasn’t right. As I stepped in the house and went further in I came face to face with Leslie's parents. I knew this conversation wasn’t going to be pleasant, so I braced myself. Malone came from the back room and latched onto my leg and I smiled. He had a way of easing my mind. The moment didn’t last long as Leslie’s father Chester, cleared his throat.
