Page 130 of Daddy's Trust
She took a deep breath as she typed slowly into the phone, wanting to get this right.
“What if it wasn’t? What if I did want that? While I’m here?”
She added on that last part because she didn’t want him to think she was asking for more. She knew that she would never be lucky enough to have someone like Cash be hers permanently, and that she should be grateful to have him, even for a short while.
She just had to keep being brave. Because she didn’t get anything from hiding away. And even though it would hurt if he rejected her, at least she’d have no regrets.
Because Addie was starting to realize that her life was becoming one giant regret.
“You want me to be your Daddy while you’re here?” he asked.
She didn’t blame him for sounding confused. It was a complete turnaround from this morning.
Addie searched for the words to explain. “I was scared this morning.”
“Scared of me?” he asked. “Are you worried I might hurt you?”
“Not scared of you physically,” she explained. “I’m always scared to do anything new. What if I make a mess of this? What if I do it wrong? What if I try and I don’t like it, and then I have to tell you? I’m not used to any of this. I’m completely out of my depth, and it just seems easier to hide away. But the thing is, I’ve always hidden away and I’m tired of it. I’m tired of having regrets. I’m tired of doing nothing. I might never have a chance to experience this again and I think I should. I think I should do it with you because you make me feel safe.”
“I do?” he asked.
“Yeah. Whenever you hug me or are near me I feel safer. That’s a big thing for me. I very rarely feel safe. I always feel likesomeone is going to try and hurt me. I know that sounds silly. Nobody really knows I exist . . . when I’m back home anyway.”
There was silence and she glanced down at everything she had typed. Why had she just blurted everything out like that?
What an idiot.
Leave, Addie.
Run.
No. No, she was going to try and not do that anymore. Running wasn’t an option right now. She was going to stay and she was going to take his reaction.
Then she could run.
Because no doubt she’d be completely humiliated.
“I am fucking amazed and flattered you feel safe in my arms. I don’t think anyone has ever paid me a compliment like that.”
And here it went. The rejection. The part where he told her ‘but’. She braced herself.
“And I would love to be your Daddy while you’re here.”
35
“All right, I’ll just leave now. Nice to know . . . wait . . . did you say yes?” she said croakily.
He said yes?
How did that happen? Well, she probably shouldn’t be surprised since he’d been the one to start all this. But there was a part of her that didn’t believe anyone would ever want anything to do with her.
Yes, her self-confidence was in the tank. She wasn’t sure she’d ever had any. If she had, it had disappeared as a child under her father’s neglect, her mother’s mood swings, and the bullying from other children.
She guessed that it probably all started when her father first abandoned her and her mother.
Hard to believe that any other man would want you when your own father hadn’t.
“Yeah, baby. Surely that isn’t a surprise?”
