Page 60 of Ruthless Contract
However, even when I was alone, guilt coursed through me when I thought of him and our situation. I felt guilty toward everyone involved. My workers, especially Kelly. She hadn’t meant for anyone to be hurt.
I felt guilty toward Ivy for all the times I’d lied to her regarding my feelings for Rome. I also felt guilty toward Rome. He hadn’t done anything wrong. He simply wanted to avenge his cousin.
I had to respect that. If our positions were reversed, I'd be doing the exact same thing. So would Ivy. So would all of us. Therefore, I understood his stance. The problem was that the answers Rome was seeking could destroy people I loved.
People I was willing to do anything to protect. If avenging Marcel didn’t involve the people I cared about, I wouldn’t be against it. But my people were my priority. I had to put them first.
Part of putting them first meant staying away from Rome Cattaneo. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. The woman staring back at me looked tired.
Physically and emotionally.
Here I was, wanting to take care of everyone, wanting to protect everyone, when I could barely take care of myself properly. I sighed. I needed rest. A couple of days of just lying in bed, not having to worry about anything or anyone.
A vacation.
That was what I needed. Soon. Did Rome feel the same way? Was he in need of a vacation?Ugh. Look at me. Thinking of him again. I set my bottle of lotion on the vanity and glared at my reflection.
Maybe I wouldn’t feel so...conflicted... if I hadn’t ended things in an open-ended way with him. The last time we talked, I'd told him I was busy with work. It hadn't exactly been a lie.
Work had been keeping me busy. But that wasn't the real reason I'd pulled away. I’d done it so I could force myself to end things with him. I’d wanted him to move on. I’d hoped throwing myself into work would help me forget him.
I’d wanted him to stop looking forward to my messages. I’d wanted to stop looking forward to messaging him. I’d wanted to stop purchasing lingerie and outfits just for him and him only.
Unfortunately, keeping my distance wasn’t putting an end to the yearning. Though I hadn’t contacted him, I’d spent every day thinking about him. I had to find a way to get this man out of my head.
I needed to do something other than sit around, crushing over a killer. Standing up, I left the room to get my laptop. Once I had it, I climbed into bed. I would watch some anime until I fell asleep.
Propped against my pillows, I opened the laptop and immediately froze. Damn it, even my screensaver was punishing me. It was a picture of him.Rome. Kelly had taken the picture months ago while investigating the Cattaneo family.
In the photograph, Rome stood inside his Biloxi casino. He was dressed in a black suit that looked sinful on him. His height, his build, all of it made him look like the snack he was. And the way he was standing there, hands in his pockets, glasses on, expression stoic... how could a girl not fall for him?
This man looked entirely too good for his own damn good. A smile spread across my face before I could stop it. I reached out and lightly brushed my finger across the screen. Those glasses made him look downright wicked.
A nerd with a body like that was exactly my type. Not only was he smart and sexy, but he was also funny. And sweet. And damn it, I wanted to talk to him. I missed our conversations.
Missed the way he'd challenge me. Missed hearing him laugh. I missed him. Period. Closing my eyes, I cursed loudly.
“Fuck!”
I wanted to talk to him. No. I needed to talk to him. At this point, it felt like I might lose my mind if I didn't. Before I could talk myself out of it, I logged into my account and pulled up our usual communication channel.
This was a terrible idea. I knew it. Ivy would kill me if she knew what I was doing. And yet I sent him a video chat request anyway. Immediately afterward, I deactivated my cameras.
There was no way I was letting Rome see me without my mask. I wasn’t that far gone. Then another thought occurred to me. Rome was a hacker. If he somehow bypassed my settings...
Nope.
Not taking that chance. I opened the drawer in my nightstand and grabbed a heart-shaped sticker from my calendar journal. After peeling it free, I carefully placed it over the camera lens.
Now, if he managed to hack the camera, he wouldn’t be able to see anything but the pink, hazy backside of a sticker. Next came the voice modulator. I activated the app and adjusted the settings I'd used a hundred times before.
Then I settled back against the pillows and stared at the screen, waiting for him to join me. My heart raced as I waited. Part ofme desperately hoped he'd click the link. The other part hoped he wouldn't.
Because if he answered, I'd be right back where I started. Wanting things I couldn't have. Feeling things I shouldn't feel. Seconds ticked by. I bit my lower lip as I waited. He wasn’t going to join me.
I should log off. This was a bad idea anyway. Then a notification appeared on the screen. Rome had joined the call. Happy tears sprang to my eyes. He’d joined me. He wanted to talk to me just as much as I wanted to talk to him. I wiped my eyes, smiling like the foolish cyber-criminal I was.
Oh, how I've missed you, my Romeo.
