Page 8 of Silent Fidelity
“Same,” Jesse said. “But I want a hot shower first. I need a decent shower after showering in the bus for months.”
“Well, we’re heading to bed, and don’t disturb—” Salem’s words abruptly cut off when the six of them made their way into the sitting room and he spotted me. Immediately, he protectively tightened his arm around Tor’s shoulders and scowled at me. “What the fuck are you doing here? And how the absolute fuck did you get in?”
“I have a key,” I said calmly, but I was no longer looking at him. I was looking at my boys. Spike had tugged Kalin slightly behind him, as if he needed to protect Kalin from me, which made my chest tighten so much, I couldn’t draw air into my lungs for a moment. “Kalin, Spike, we need to talk.”
Spike tightened his jaw. “Nothing to talk about right now, Richard. We just got home, and we just want to rest. Surely, you can understand that?”
I sighed, taking a step forward. Spike pushed Kalin a little further behind him, his shoulders tightening as if he could broaden his frame to shield Kalin from me.
It fucking hurt. I’d never hurt our boy. Surely, he knew that?
“Please,” I said softly. I wasn’t above begging. I’d get on my knees and plead my case if that was what it took, and I wasn’t the kind of man to get on his knees for anyone. But the fear of losing them was visceral.
“No,” Kalin suddenly snapped. He stepped out from behind Spike, his cheeks flushed with anger. From the corner of my eye, I saw Salem step closer, fully prepared to help Spike protect Kalin from me, but Spike shook his head at Salem, waving at him to back off.
“You don’t get to finally use your fucking key that I gave you months ago to demand my attention because I’m ignoring you,” Kalin snapped. “You don’t get to roll in here, in my safe space, and demand I give you some of my time because I now can fit into your fucking schedule.”
Tears burned in his eyes, and they gutted me. When one rolled down his cheek, I swore he sliced my fucking chest right open and started cutting off the arteries to my heart.
“Little one—” I tried, wanting to tell him what was happening, what my plan was, that I was no longer hiding them, but he shook his head, cutting me off.
Taking a step forward, he jabbed his finger roughly against my chest, making me wince. When I reached up to grab his hand, he yanked it away like I burned him, his chest heaving as more tears ran down his cheeks.
“I’m tired of hiding, and I’m tired of hurting. I’ve never been closeted. I’ve always been open about who I am and who I love.” I knew that. Even though he and Spike had never come out and told the world they were together, they never hid their affection for each other. Not once.
But I’d forced him into the closet.
Fuck.
“I will not put myself second again,” Kalin croaked, his voice strangled. A sob bubbled up in his chest. “I can’t keep doing this. We are over, Richard.” No. God, no, little one. Fuck. “I can’t keep letting you do this to me. I can’t keep doing this to myself.”
He spun away from me, intent on running, but I was faster. I gripped his upper arm and spun him back around to face me before I swung him into my arms, cradling him to my chest. He banged his fists on my chest and shoulders, dissolving into a puddle of tears in my arms.
“No,” I rasped. “We are not done, little one, you fucking hear me?” I looked at Spike. “Show me to your room. This is far from over.”
Relief flooded Spike’s features, fracturing across what was left of my heart. Then, he nodded and quickly led the way, leaving his confused best friends behind us. But I didn’t care about them. What I cared about was the boy in my arms who was splintering apart in my hold and hiding his face from me like he couldn’t bear to look at me.
6
Spike
Kalin was a tearful mess, and it broke my heart to see him falling apart, even if I’d known it’d been inevitable. He’d been hostile and barely holding himself together for the past three days. Everyone had noticed it, and I couldn’t tell them what was going on for fear of outing Richard. It wasn’t that the guys wouldn’t understand, and it wasn’t that they would spill Richard’s secrets.
I couldn’t bring myself to break Richard’s trust like that. Coming out to anyone about being with us needed to be done on his terms.
Only Richard had outed himself in his desperation to not lose us. Because I’d made it clear that while I loved Richard and wanted to be with him, Kalin was the beginning and end for me. I went where he went. We’d always had each other, and I would never lose him.
I could endure anything else, even if it changed me, but losing Kalin would kill me.
I pushed open the door to my room and stood aside as Richard turned sideways so he could carry Kalin through the doorway. “Put me down,” Kalin croaked, his voice full of pain.
“No, little one,” Richard said, his voice firm but gentle.
“I hate you,” Kalin cried, choking on a sob right after. My heart squeezed painfully. I hated seeing either of my men in pain, but Kalin crying? It fucking tore me to pieces, especially when I couldn’t fix what was wrong.
Only Richard could.
“I know,” Richard softly responded. “But that’s not keeping me away.” He gently laid Kalin on the bed, and when Kalin hurried to get off the mattress, I rushed forward and blocked his exit.
