Page 11 of Venom Sweeter than Honey
Astor’s gaze drifts to the ceiling for a long moment before returning to mine.
“No. I don’t want you to join the military. What I want is for you to let me help you crawl out of this malaise you’re in. What I want is for you to finish your degrees so you can study the laws of the universe and build a time travel machine or some shit—whatever the fuck you feel called to do—and never have to resort to shit that could get you killed or put you in prison.”
“Like you?”
Astor’s expression hardens. “Yes, Levi, exactly like me.”
My throat dips as, not rage, but grief swells in my chest. Astor looks nothing like my father, but he sure as fuck sounds like him.
My reply is a hoarse grumble.
“Wouldn’t joining the military be just as dangerous?”
“That entirely depends on your career path. At the very least, it wouldn’t land you in prison if you truly developed a taste for the blood you crave. And with their training and resources, you’d also be a lot less likely to get killed doing it.”
Joining the military hadn’t even crossed my mind, but now that Astor’s planted the seed, I have a feeling there’ll be no uprooting it.
The tiniest flicker of hope sparks in my chest, even if the whole witness protection thing will surely complicate things… but it’s been years. Perhaps Astor’sfriendwould even be able to pull some strings.
And in some years’ time, with military resources at my disposal, I might not even need Astor’s help in finding who killed my father.
Something tugs at the corners of my mouth as my mind whirls with possibilities.
“Oh my god, it’s a fucking miracle...”
The corners of my mouth drop as my eyes dart back to Astor, whose face is split in a broad grin. “What?”
“You just smiled.”
Did I?
“No, I didn’t.”
“You did. Your lips twitched and then lifted atbothcorners. You almost had a dreamy look on your face.”
If he’s right, there’s a frown now replacing it. Astor’s expression softens as he watches in that omniscient way of his for a moment before rising from my computer chair, striding over to me, and firmly gripping my shoulder in his hand.
“It’s okay to find happiness even though they’re not here, Levi.”
Whatever fleeting hope or joy I just had is immediately drowned by grief as it comes crashing back in. Tears burn my eyes further still as Astor lingers.
The softly spoken question holds no trace of derision. It’s earnest and desperate.
“How would you know?”
“Because none of this is your fault.”
Tears I can no longer hold back finally begin to spill as my mother’s plea returns to the forefront of my mind.
I can’t risk losing you, too...
My voice wavers as I meet Astor’s compassionate gaze.
“What if it is, though?”
“Then it’s your responsibility to forgive yourself so that you’re capable of doing everything you can to make it up to them.”
The pain in Astor’s expression tells me he’s speaking from personal experience. A part of his past that’s buried deep, never to be exhumed. It’s the ever-present darkness peeking out from behind his eyes, reminding us both that no matter how distant the memories and the scars, they never leave.
