Page 21 of Last Chance Cowboy
And he’d been here for a while.
When he traveled with the rodeo, it had been easy. Womenhad come to him. He’d been on the road. There had never been a question of needing to invite them back to his place.
They had just gone to a hotel. Exactly the way he liked it.
It was release. A fleeting moment of human connection.
One that didn’t require words, and then it was over.
Yeah. That was exactly how he liked it.
He had a feeling Walker wasn’t quite so particular.
“I’ve just never seen you be quite so neighborly.”
“Is there a point that you’re trying to make?” Zane asked, staring at him hard. He waited for Walker to back down, because most men did.
Most anybody did.
Zane could stare an angry bull down and get him to back off. He had done it in the rodeo, and he did it as a rancher.
But Walker didn’t back down. Instead, his smile became a smirk. “Not really. She’s a nice girl, though.”
“I’m aware,” Zane said. No one was paying attention to them, so he did what he wouldn’t normally do. He continued the conversation. “I’m also aware of what I am. Thank you.”
Walker shrugged. “If you think I’m trying to police you, you’re sort of right. I’m not one to demand good behavior from anybody but… she’s Marlowe’s sister.”
“Sister-in-law,” Zane said.
“Sure.”
“Like I said,” he replied to Walker. “I know what I am.”
“Well, that’s good. For the record, Zane, I know what I am, too.”
For the first time, he saw a little bit of an edge in Walker’s eyes, and that actually made him want to know more, which was unusual.
But he would never let Walker see that.
Marlowe came out of the house with a plate wrapped in Saran Wrap and an insulated bag full of God knew what.
“I want her to have some extra food. But I’m probablygoing to go and see her tomorrow too. Maybe I should bring it tonight.”
His jaw tightened. He didn’t want to lose the delivery job. But he also didn’t want to say that. He didn’t want to explain all of this to anybody. The complex PTSD that he had. Of course, most people would assume it was from the military.
Hilarious. The military had been fun and games.Horriblefun and games, yeah. A trip to the darkest parts of humanity, yes.
But, very different than being a child and being confronted with the loss of everything that you had ever loved.
He had already been so scarred by the time he went into the military that he didn’t feel things anymore.
War couldn’t hurt him.
But one thing that did hurt him, stab at him, was the feeling like he could do something to change a situation if he just got involved.
It was a contradictory thing, something that existed inside of him because of his pain, which was funny, because the other issue he had was attachment. He’d seen a psychologist. That was part of being in the military. Afterward he’d been diagnosed with complex PTSD, attachment issues, and a few other things that were basically doctor-speak for:fucked up beyond all reason.
But, FUBAR though he may be, and in touch with it as he was, it didn’t mean that he was free of this feeling that if something bad was going to happen, he had to stop it. Because he had failed to stop it before.
