Page 128 of Last Chance Cowboy
She wasn’t afraid of her life being small, she wasn’t afraid of the heaviness of loving him, she was afraid of grief. So much of her life was a patchwork of grief, and she didn’t know what on earth she would do if she had Zane, only to lose him.
And loving him, the possibility of that, of the life that he might expect them to build, that opened her up to even more grief.
To children that they would have, that they could lose.
She felt like the world was pressing in on the hotel, that the ceiling was pressing down on her head, that she was being crushed beneath the weight of her own cowardice.
She did love him.
Of course, she did.
She had loved him when he had pulled her out of the rubble, she had loved him when he had held her in the dark and whispered the tragic secret of his past, she had loved him when his lips had first touched hers in the rain.
The rain falls on the just and the unjust…
Which meant that random blessings could happen just as easily as random tragedy, and she wanted to internalize that. She wanted to believe it. She wanted to feel it.
But it was just so difficult.
Everything was just so difficult.
And she was only twenty-four, and she really felt that right now. She didn’t feel like she was as mature as he was, she didn’t feel like she was as brave. As this man who had lost his whole family and gone on to fight in wars. To ridebucking Broncos, this man who was just… Perfect. Everything she could’ve ever hoped to find, everything she could’ve ever dreamed of.
But the dream felt so terrifying, like something beautiful dangling there in front of her, like rolling fields and open roads, and a church made of sweet grass, and a cathedral ceiling made from the sky, and everything beautiful in her life that had been taken back.
But if he could have faith enough to say yes to this, to loving her, how could she do any less?
She was getting out of bed before she could think better of it, robe wrapped tightly around her body, and the keys to the room in her hand. She crept down the hallway, took the elevator down to the empty lobby. Everything was dark and still at the hotel. She pulled the doors open and walked out into the parking lot, which was mostly full, but she spotted Marlowe’s car quickly.
She opened up the door and retrieved the keys.
And before she could let herself second-guess it, she was on her way, driving to Zane.
She remembered Marlowe saying that she liked Cody to ambush her in the hotel room.
Well, she was going to break into Zane’s house.
To see if it was too late. To see if she could still fix it.
To see if they could try and find their way home, together.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Zane sat up with a snort as he heard a crash. The lights were on in his room, so he could see immediately there was no one in there with him.
He rolled out of bed, and flung the door open, walking quickly down the hall only to see Cara, underneath the living room window, in a heap, having clearly pushed it open and launched herself inside.
“Cara?”
“That was the only window that wasn’t locked,” she said, sitting up, pushing her hair out of her face.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
“I’m groveling,” she said, staying down on her hands and knees and crawling a couple of feet toward him before taking a deep breath and sitting. “I have to tell you that I’m sorry. I have to tell you that I was wrong. I have to tell you that I was afraid, and everything that I thought at first that I was afraid of is not what I was afraid of. I thought that I was scared of the heaviness. I thought that I was scared of having to take care of another person again, or my life revolving around another person, but that’s not it. I’m just plain old scared of havinglove only to lose it again. I’m scared of the dread that I might live with, knowing that I have something I want so badly and that it could be taken from me. But you… You’re brave enough to do this. And if you’re brave enough to do this, Zane, how can I not be?”
Zane couldn’t wait anymore. He got down on his knees, still wearing the same pants he’d had on in the rainstorm, and pulled her toward him.
“You ridiculous girl,” he said. “Of course, you’re not too late. As long as our hearts are beating, it’s never too late.” He brushed his thumb over her cheek. “This is gold, Cara. It’s the rain. It’s the thing that makes me want to do more than just keep breathing.”
