Page 112 of Last Chance Cowboy
“Well, you’ve done that,” Marlowe said gently. “And I bet everybody back home would be surprised to find out that you’re being so… Well, getting dirty with a cowboy.”
“Especially this one,” she said. Because she did know that was true.
Suddenly, she wanted to press Marlowe, to ask her questions about… About how you knew if you were ready to take a relationship to another level, about how you knew you could be healed enough to do that.
Marlowe had come here to get space, a fresh start – even though that hadn’t been her plan initially, it had definitely been the plan after Aiden had left her.
Cara had been looking for a fresh start, not a deep relationship, but the thing with Zane was taking on a life of its own, and it felt scary. In so many ways, it felt scary.
But she didn’t say that, because she had told Marlowe that it was only sexual, but even then, she found she couldn’t joke about it. Couldn’t say anything light or funny about the way that he took her in the river, or how their first time it was like losing all sense of time and space and consequences, getting caught up in the storm that was Zane Barton.
So she didn’t say anything, and she just ate her steak when it came out for the main course, and she could feel Marlowe watching her silently.
“Are you happy?”
Marlowe’s words landed as soon as dessert did.
“Yeah,” she said. “I mean, right now.”
“I think that’s a good thing, Cara, because you’ve been living for a future for a long time, it’s a good thing to just be living right now. To actually enjoy the time that you’re in. How long has it been since you’ve done that?”
That brought back memories of her dad on a Sunday, taking her into the hills, and telling her that it was his version of church.
That was a beautiful moment. One that still lived inside of her, even though her dad was gone. It had been that long. Until Zane.
Otherwise, everything had been about building a future, but in these last couple of weeks, she had just been enjoyingthis. Discovering him, discovering herself, discovering everything that they could do with each other, to each other.
Maybe that was the lesson, maybe it was the gift. Maybe she didn’t have to sit here feeling quite so heavy.
Because maybe this was just a chance for her to enjoy. Enjoy this thing with him. Enjoy this bliss.
“You know what, you’re right,” she said. “I actually wish that I would’ve talked to you sooner, just because you have good advice. Slso, you are one of the wonderful things in my life, Marlowe, and I don’t like feeling distant from you. I didn’t like that there was something I felt like I couldn’t share.”
“Well, I’m glad that you got to tell me. And you know that I love you.”
“I do,” she said.
For the first time in a very long time, everything just felt all right. She was here, in her new home, she had her bakery, she had Zane, she had Marlowe. She felt like she was so far away from the deprived girl that she’d been so many years ago, so many miles ago. She felt like she was somebody who had it together. Somebody who was making progress.
Somebody who could be okay not making progress all at the same time.
“Oh, I rode a horse today,” she said.
Because that mattered too. When all this was said and done with Zane, she wouldn’t just have sexual experience, she would know how to survive. She would’ve ridden a horse. She would have confided in somebody, all of the dark, tangled-up things that she felt about her family, and the difficult situation she’d found herself in when she was far too young.
She would’ve learned to be there for somebody else.
It had value. It mattered.
And it felt really damn good.
Which made her resolved that she was going to drive to his house tonight.
Thankfully, she’d only had the one glass of wine, and she sat with Marlowe until any of the buzz faded, then she gave her sister-in-law a hug goodbye and headed back out to her car.
She deliberately didn’t give Zane a heads-up. Because she thought she might surprise him, because she wondered how long it had been since anything good had surprised him.
When she arrived at his door, he opened it up and dragged her inside.
