Page 27 of Defending Mateo
“You think it’s selfish to get me out, even if you don’t, you lose me?”
“Won't lose you,” he snarled.
“There’s no way to know that, especially if you let me get sold. I could be dead before your colleagues find me, or I could be so badly traumatized that I’ll never be able to come back fromthe things that have been done to me.” No longer able to stand Mateo’s touch, it made her feel ill, she pushed at his shoulders. “Let go of me, please. I wish you hadn't told me the truth. I wish I didn't know you were undercover, but refusing to help me. I wish you really were one of them, and … maybe you are. Maybe you are a monster after all.”
August 18th
3:00 P.M.
Mateo’s heart shattered into a million pieces at her sad words. Not that he could argue with them. He was doing the right thing, he was sure that he was. Justice was shutting down Azure so that no more women were hurt by these people, it wasn't risking everything, throwing everything he’d worked for away, on the possibility that he could maybe get her out.
The plan to fake Emma’s death that Nathan and Falcon had come up with was shaky at best. There were so many things that could go wrong, including the possibility that Azure could kill him for taking out one of their products and costing them money. While Mateo was more than happy to trade his own life for Ally’s in a heartbeat, what good did it do her if he was dead and couldn’t ensure that she was picked up safely by Prey?
What happened if they didn't “dispose” of her body quickly enough and she woke up?
What happened if Azure decided to bury her in a shallow grave or dump her in the ocean, and Prey couldn’t get to her in time, and she died for real?
What happened if the drugs didn't do their job and someone realized he was trying to fake her death?
Ally could be in a worse place than she already was, and she wouldn't have him to act as a buffer. It was too great a risk to take. The safest option was for her to be sold, then he’d get the buyer’s name and address to Prey and let them go in and do their thing. While he never asked how many of the women they were able to get out alive. He knew it was a balance between not letting Azure catch on that the women they sold were promptly found and rescued, because then they’d know for sure there was a traitor, and getting as many of those innocent victims out as they possibly could. With Ally, though, he’d ask, he’d explain who she was to him, make sure it was a priority to get her out.
“I’m sorry, little mouse, I've failed you over and over again,” he said as he reluctantly released his hold on her and allowed her to scramble off his lap.
When she said nothing, just stared at him with open betrayal in her wide blue eyes, he sighed and shoved to his feet. She was right. He’d been selfish all over again. Telling her the truth had been for his benefit, because he couldn’t stand knowing she despised him. But now that she knew, she hated him anyway.
“I swear, baby, I will make sure that my boss gets you out. They will, I promise you they will. As soon as you're out of here, I will get to him, give him the address, and someone will come for you. Less than twenty-four hours, that’s all it will be, then you’ll be on a plane back home, safe and sound.” Only she wouldn't be able to go back home because Azure would notice if she suddenly popped back up in her life. She’d have to go into some sort of witness protection kind of program until Azure was destroyed, but he knew Prey would handle that, and Ally didn't need to worry about it this second.
She still said nothing, and since he knew there was nothing he could say to make any of this better for her, he reached for the toy he thought was the best of a bad lot of choices. As he picked up the stimulator, he wondered if maybe he should explain toher about Nathan falling for Emma, about how everyone was on edge after the man disappeared. Go into more detail about why he was being tested, and how it would make it that much harder to get her out than if Nathan hadn't left. If he suddenly faked her death, especially since they knew about his history with her, it was going to be obvious that he was up to something.
He was damned if he did and damned if he didn't.
Out of choices, even if to Ally it sounded so simple.
“Are you going to go with this?” he asked wearily as he held up the toy. The weight of his work was crushing him in a way it never had before Ally had been dragged into his world. Maybe after this case was over, he’d need to take a little time off to try to recenter himself.
“Sure,” Ally agreed, sounding just as weary as he felt.
“I really think this is the best option,” he assured her. Of course, there was no way for her to understand the nuances of being undercover, of adopting a persona that wasn't yours, of fitting into a place like this, and the rules he had to be aware of and follow. He didn't have the time to explain it all to her, but he wished she could understand he was doing everything he felt he could to protect her without giving himself away.
Ally just nodded, and so he grabbed the chastity belt straps that would hold the toy in place. This was killing him, and she thought he was a monster who said he loved her but didn't show it.
“Spread your legs, little mouse,” he said as he dropped to his knees before her.
“Don’t call me that,” she whispered as she did as he asked.
“You’ll always be my little mouse, baby, nothing can change that. You think I'm a monster, and … I can't argue with you. But I'myourmonster. Always will be. I'm doing the best I can to protect you without putting you in more danger, and I will makesure you get rescued. I wish things could be different, but … this is the hand I've been dealt, and I have to play these cards.”
Again, she said nothing. Just looked at him like he was a stranger to her.
Damn, he hated that look. But since there was no way he could prove to her that he loved her when, from her point of view, everything he did proved the opposite, he took one of the straps of leather and circled it around her waist. It locked into place with a small screw that meant there was no way she’d be able to remove it on her own.
As he went to put the toy in place and then use the strap to secure it, Mateo paused, leaned in, and touched a single kiss to her bud. When he glanced up, he saw tears trickling down Ally’s cheeks, and each one was like a little drop of fire, searing wounds on his soul that would never heal.
While Ally was suffering more in this situation than he was, he’d never pretend otherwise, she was definitely paying the price for his choices, and he wouldn't walk away from this unscarred either. Even though he fully believed in Prey’s ability to get his girl out of hell and someplace safe, and find her the resources she’d needed to heal, he hated that he couldn’t just snatch her up, carry her out of here, killing anyone who tried to stop him.
Since he couldn’t, he took her bud between his fingers, rolled it a few times, then placed the toy’s suction cup right over it, holding it in place while he attached the second leather strap to the one around her waist, keeping the toy tucked firmly against her.
Then he stood, took the remote that controlled the toy, and activated it to the lowest setting. It would remain on that, keeping her lightly aroused, until one of the guys decided to play with her. The thought of anyone but him bringing her pleasure had rage screaming inside him, but at least no one was going to physically touch her.
