Page 24 of Defending Mateo
Shifting closer to Mateo, she looked up at him, trying to see the man she’d known, the one who told her she could always be honest with him because he’d never do anything to hurt her. That man might not have existed, but there could be some vestiges of him left.
“Please,” she whimpered, wanting to reach out to him, touch him, but scared of what he’d do to her if she did. “Mateo, tell me that everything wasn't a lie between us. You told me I could always be honest with you, always, that there was nothing I couldn’t say to you. I need to know the truth. You wouldn't answer me earlier, you just agreed with me that you're a monster.”
“I am, little mouse,” he said, but the words were tortured, and there was clear pain in his dark eyes as they watched her with a longing she used to see but hadn't glimpsed since she woke up here.
“Why?” Tears blurred the man before her. “Mateo, you owe me the truth. I need to know that it wasn't all a lie, that you cared about me at some point. That you're not the monster you're pretending to be. That the man I fell in love with really exists, that he’s the real you, and this man is just an act.”
August 18th
2:41 P.M.
She loved him.
They’d never exchanged I love yous. It had been how he’d felt, but Mateo had held back from saying the actual words out loud for fear that she wouldn't say them back. He was well aware of the fact that Ally considered him to be out of her league, but that was only because she didn't see herself the way he saw her.
Sure, his girl was a true introvert. She was quiet and a homebody, but she was sweet and kind. She had a great sense of humor, was smart, took care of herself, and had a great body, with toned legs and a flat stomach. Her rich red hair was stunning, and her eyes were gorgeous. She’d give the shirt off her back to anyone in need, and she always treated others with respect because she knew what it felt like to be treated as unwanted and unworthy.
And she’d seen something lovable in him.
As far as he was concerned, she was the one who was so far out of his league he hadn't ever had a hope of holding onto her.
Only it looked like he had.
Because she loved him.
If he’d told her back then, been completely honest about his job and why he shouldn’t be with her, then they could have had a proper plan in place to protect her from winding up right where she was now. Now that he was looking at their relationship through different eyes, he realized Ally would have supported him one hundred percent. She would have been willing to make accommodations to be with him and remain safe.
But he’d blown everything.
In doubting himself, he’d gotten Ally into a mess he didn't know how to extricate her from.
“Please, Mateo. I don’t want to believe it was all a lie,” she whispered, those imploring eyes of hers staring up at him. “I don’t want to believeyouwere a lie. Did you ever feel anything for me at all, or was it all an act?”
“Oh, little mouse,” he murmured, stepping closer to her, and grateful he’d chosen this room since the camera in it was still turned off from when Nathan had been in here with Emma.
No one seemed to have noticed yet, and he’d kept it off not because he’d known he’d want a small measure of privacy, but because some gut instinct had told him to leave it as it was. He’d forgotten about it until this morning, when he was trying to think up what he was going to do with Ally today, knowing the guys were anxious to be able to play with her a little. If anyone realized he was in here without the camera on, he could always blame Nathan, say the man must have disabled it to get time alone with the woman he was obsessed with.
“None of the time we spent together was an act,” he said, lifting a hand to palm her cheek, but pulling back at the last moment because he couldn’t face another round of her calling him a monster. It was true, and he deserved all the hatred he was sure she felt for him, but he couldn’t handle the rejection whenemotions he’d refused to feel for two decades were now raging inside him, demanding to be let out.
“I don’t understand,” she said helplessly. “I fell in love with you. I know we never said the words, but I thought … I thought you loved me too. But I didn't even know you.”
“I lied to you, little mouse. I didn't want you to know the truth because it might change how you looked at me.”
“So, you're really a human trafficker. This is the real you. What we shared was real, but you were hiding this side of yourself all along.” Ally said the words as statements, but he couldn’t help but feel they were really questions.
This was it.
The one moment when he had to decide what path he was going down.
Either he continued to allow her to believe the worst of him, think of him as a monster, believe she’d never seen the truth about him, and spend the rest of her life hating him. Or he told her the truth, that he was working undercover to bring Azure down, that she’d known the realest version of him that had existed since he was fourteen, and he’d lied about his job but not because he trafficked women for a living.
It was safer to lie, let her believe he was truly a part of this, but he couldn’t seem to make the words come out. She already hated him, she’d continue to hate him when she learned he couldn’t get her out until she was sold. Why bother to try to change that?
Only as he stared into her bright blue eyes, he knew the choice he had to make. Really, there was only one he ever could have made, because Ally was everything to him, and he couldn’t stomach living with her hatred a single second longer.
Throwing caution to the wind, Mateo pressed his palm to her cheek. She didn't lean into the touch like she would have fivemonths ago, but she didn't jerk away from him either, so that was something.
Then, drawing in a breath, he did it, just like ripping off a Band-Aid. “I'm undercover, little mouse.”
