Page 49 of Die for Me
“Ah, I see,” he says. “What is the best way to properly show my penance, then?”
I think about it.
“I want one of those giant grocery store teddy bears,” I say. “The ones carrying those huge plush hearts that say something obnoxious, like ‘Be mine.’ ”
Julian nods sagely.
“Noted,” he says. “Man-sized teddy bear.”
“And a card,” I add. “With a checkbox on the inside saying, ‘Do you forgive me? Check yes or no.’ And I’m going to check whatever I want, and you’ll have to deal with it.”
Julian draws back just enough to pinch my cheek.
“So vicious, you are,” he says. “All right. It will be done.”
We sit like this for a minute, holding each other, until Julian’s phone alarm goes off and he peels away to disable it.
“We should get back to Onix. It’s past his walk time,” he says. “You took an Uber here, right?”
I am so distracted that it takes me several seconds to realize that, one, Julian remembers that my elderly dog needs regular walks to prevent accidents despite me mentioning it offhand to him once a couple of weeks ago, and two, that he said “we.”
“Are you…trying to come home with me?” I ask, a little bewildered. My apartment hasn’t been visited by a gentleman caller in months, and I nearly go cross-eyed trying to imagine the state it must be in: clothes on the floor, coffee grounds on the counter, Onix’s toys strewn across the carpet.
“Is that okay?” Julian asks, sensing my hesitation. “I don’t have to come up, but I really have missed you.”
He sounds so earnest that I fold immediately.
“Okay,” I say, adjusting my robe. Then, more softly, “Yes. That would be nice.”
“And tomorrow?” he presses on. “You have clinic on Fridays, right? Could I borrow you after that?”
MyYes, why notis on the tip of my tongue before I remember that I will not be in clinic at all, because tomorrow is the first day of SCAI.
“I’m going to be at a conference,” I confess.
We lob back and forth availabilities. Julian is traveling to Austin Monday to meet with some shareholders, and I’m covering service in the intensive care unit for Shiv for a few days when he gets back. Between our schedules, it’ll be over a week before we’ll be able to see each other again.
The thought sends me into a tizzy. The last week without Julian has been dim and painful, and even though I don’t fully understand why, my body recoils at the thought of spending so much time apart again. I mentally scan through my schedule, then bite my lip when I think of it. Because there’s one event that Icouldinvite Julian to attend: the SCAI after-party on Saturday night.
I twist my fingers together. It’s a big step. Maybe not to Julian, who brought me to his close friend’s gallery opening for a first date. But it is for me. The idea of fully merging our worlds, of letting Julian be known to mine, terrifies me.
The thought of being without him, though?
“Actually,” I find myself saying, “are you free Saturday night?”
Fourteen
The after-party that Shiv and his organizing committee have planned is exactly as I expected: loud, lavish, and bordering on the edge of ostentatious. The lounge they reserved for the event is an homage to the Roaring Twenties, with gold geometric outlines in the ceiling, huge peacock feather centerpieces, and large, bedazzled posters of the burlesque performers who grace the center stage on most nights. In lieu of that today, we have a live band, a buffet selection of heavy appetizers, and a significant fraction of the world’s interventional cardiologists gathered into one room.
“They really went all out,” I mutter.
“I know, right?” a voice responds.
I jump, but it’s just Leila, looking pretty and professional in a well-tailored pencil skirt, her hair up in a neat chignon. Just a few hours before, she’d led a live video demonstration of a new Palette device with one of the interventional teams in a hospital in the north suburbs. I’d watched not only to offer my support but also because she’s a genuinely good teacher.
“Oh hey!” I say. “Congrats on the demo, by the way. You did great. Are you already heading out?”
“Thank you, and yes,” she says. “Brandon’s not feeling well, so I figured I would say hi to the crew and head back home.”
