Page 109 of Secret Husband
“Aloysha?” she said.
“It’s Papa’s nickname for me.’”
I didn’t mind that he blamed me for the error. I liked the way Lauren handled it, the agency it gave him in a world where his decisions were so limited.
I caught her eye and found her smiling. Like the puzzle pieces, something clicked. My world might be falling apart, but Lauren would help me keep it and the threads of my sanity together.
Perhaps it wouldn’t be long before I was drinking champagne.
Chapter Forty-One
Lauren
* * *
Watching Alexei with his father was a revelation. He was so gentle with him. Patient and kind. It would be easy to get frustrated, but my husband was a decent man.
I shouldn’t compare, but I tried to imagine Thad providing that level of comfort to anyone. He didn’t speak to his parents much, though I had chatted with his mom on the phone, and I found her to be warm and generous. Thad thought his parents were middle-class Midwesterners with “boomer thinking.” Because I had such a strange relationship with my own father, I hadn’t interrogated Thad’s with his family further. But I saw now that his attitude toward them spoke volumes. As far as I could tell they hadn’t done anything wrong, other than offend him with their normalcy.
He still wasn’t picking up—I had tried one more time after dinner—and while I was tempted to head over to his apartment, I was also dog tired. And at this point, I was incapable of saying nice things.
Alexei came downstairs into the living room, where I was finishing my wine.
“How is he?”
“I’ve given him his sedative. He should have a restful night.”
“He has problems sleeping?”
“He used to be a night owl, but a couple of times he’s left the house after dark and frightened the hell out of me. He gets a better night’s sleep this way and I don’t have to worry about him so much.” He sat on the sofa beside me. “Thanks for today.”
“Uh, thank you. You painted a wall, made me mac n’ cheese, and provided hot water. My hero.”
“And you worked on the puzzle with him.”
“Hey, I love puzzles. That was a fun one.” And it took my mind off my problems, though not the one sitting before me. I had a feeling that if I stayed any longer, the problem would only magnify. “I should call an Uber.”
Before he could respond, I headed into the hallway and picked up my overnight bag—where had that come from? It was such a loaded term, and the last thing I needed was anything to be loaded. Clarity was the goal here.
I pivoted and there he was, close enough to touch but mostly close enough to feel. As usual, energy zipped along the electric current that connected us. I dropped the bag, wrapped my arms around him, and tilted my head up.
“This doesn’t mean anything.” And then I kissed him. A meaningless, insignificant kiss, no better than what I would dispense to a stranger. A rando on New Year’s Eve. A soldier in Times Square on the day peace broke out.
But I hadn’t reckoned on how he would respond, the hunger in it, because when he kissed me back, I was gone.
His whisper was urgent and absolutely heart-rending. “Stay with me, Lauren. We both need this.”
The rightness of that thrilled through me. I had never needed sex or even hands-on comfort, but with Alexei, the opposite was the case. Always had been. I had needed him years ago, and while he had disappointed me, I wanted to believe that his life was too complicated then to make things work between us. Not that anything was simpler now.
But he was right about this: we both needed it. I could say it didn’t mean anything, but it would be a lie.
And he knew it.
Yet I was determined to maintain some control in a world where everything was spinning and spiraling. I could give him comfort and take back a modicum of power for myself.
I unbuttoned his jeans and pulled his zipper down. Under my searching fingertips, I felt him swell, strength and sensuality in one hot, perfect package.
“Lauren,” he gutted out. “You don’t have to …” What I didn’t have to do was lost on an erotic hiss as I curled my palm inside and cupped his erection, straining for freedom.
