Page 86 of Whatever It Takes
“Maaa!” Sage’s tiny voice squealed as I walked into our new home. The house was perfect. Everything we wanted and needed. Saint was following behind her, his gym bag slung over his shoulder. His fitted t-shirt clung to his chest. I bit my lip, eyeing how good he looked. The pregnancy had my hormones going crazy.
“Wassup, baby. How was work?” He asked, placing a kiss on my lips. He leaned down and lifted my scrub shirt, peppering kisses all over my belly. I giggled, running a hand across his head.
“Work was good. I’m tired, though. You headed in for conditioning?” I asked
He sighed and nodded. Saint had been doing better. He started seeing a therapist a couple of weeks ago to help with the guilt he couldn’t let go of. The rec center was open and thriving. There was a huge memorial mural for Dru on the side of the building. Saint had built great relationships with a lot of the kids that came in.
“Yeah, I shouldn’t be gone for more than two hours. Dinner is in the crockpot. Journey is in her room if you need anything. I love y’all.” He kissed me again and kissed Sage’s forehead before leaving. The football season hadn’t started yet, but I wasn’t looking forward to the days when he wasn’t home all the time. One of my biggest fears of getting pregnant again was feeling alone. I knew I had an amazing support system when he wasn’taround, but that didn’t stop me from wanting my man to be here with me. Our wedding was slowly approaching, and I prayed these girls would stay put until after.
Later that night, I found myself outside of Journey’s door. Suitcases sat open on the floor. Clothes were scattered everywhere. My eyes watered. My little sister was going off to college. Time had flown by too fast, and the thought of my sister being hours away from me caused a pang in my chest. My parents deserved to witness this. I watched as she folded clothes into her suitcase with a solemn expression on her face.
“You okay?” I questioned softly.
She looked up at me and grinned. “I’m happy.. but I’m going to miss home.” Her watery eyes matched mine. I walked over to her and pulled her into a hug, my belly pressing against her.
“Home is always going to be here.”
“I know, Bless, but being away from my family feels wrong.”
“We’re one call away. Never hesitate to call us if anything is wrong. We’ll be there in a heartbeat. Just promise me you’ll be safe. Focus on school. These niggas will be here first. And please, don’t get pregnant. You have birth control and condoms. Use them.”
Journey laughed and plopped down on her bed. “Bless, you’re crazy. We’ve had this conversation a million times. I promise I’ll be safe. Serenity is my roommate. I’ll be fine.”
I left Journey to finish packing and went to search for Saint. Sage was already in bed, sleeping like she worked a full-time job. I found him on the patio, puffing on his favorite cigar. Our cat, Baby, was snuggled next to him. She was always up under him or Sage. He immediately put it out when he noticed me nearing him. Like always, he pulled me into his lap, my back resting against his chest. Baby jumped up from her spot and ran inside the house. I snickered. I guess I killed her mood. His gaze waslocked out into the yard. The water in the pool slowly moved with the slight breeze flowing throughout the backyard.
“Dru would’ve loved this,” I said softly.
Saint didn’t respond right away. His hands caressed my stomach, and he planted a kiss on my shoulder. “Yeah,” He finally said. “He would’ve. Especially the Blackstone. He wanted one so bad.” He chuckled. I knew thinking of him still hurt. Shit, we all were still hurting. Some of us just did a better job hiding it.
Messiah was the best at hiding. He walked around every day like Dru’s death wasn’t hurting him. But I knew better. I knew he blamed himself just like I did. No matter how many times Saint assured me it wasn’t my fault, I still felt a twinge of guilt.
The house was silent. So quiet you could probably hear a pin drop. For the first time in a few days, there was no teenage laughter and suitcases scattered around the house. Journey and Serenity were gone. Off to start their journey into adulthood. My chest felt so tight.
“They’re going to be fine, Bless baby,” Saint said as he walked into the living room. I didn’t even hear the front door open.
“I know..” I mumbled. “That doesn’t stop me from missing them, though, Saint.”
“I didn’t say you couldn’t miss them, I just don’t want you getting yourself worked up. How are your ankles?” He asked, sitting next to me. He pulled my swollen feet into his lap and began massaging them.
“They’re okay. The swelling is going down.” I responded, rubbing my belly—my love-filled womb. “I remember when Journey first came to live with me. I was so scared.”
“Y’all did a good job raising her. Look how she turned out! She’s damn near perfect, and I hope our daughters are just like her.”
“We had no choice but to do a good job. We’re all she had.”
We sat in silence for a moment before I looked up at Saint. His eyes were already on mine.
“Come on,” I said, grabbing his hand. He stood to his feet and helped me up. He gave me a questioning look but followed behind me out the patio doors. The cool air kissed our skin as soon as we stepped outside. I walked barefoot through the grass, past my garden, and past the pool until I reached the fence of our yard.
“Bless, why are we back here?” Saint finally asked.
I didn’t respond, just reached down and brushed the stone in front of the large oak tree. Something small but full of meaning.
The stone had a picture of Dru and Saint when they were kids, along with his name.
“I know Dru isn’t here physically, but I wanted a piece of him in our new home. Our kids will know their godfather.”
Saint pulled me back against his chest and repeatedly pecked my lips. I could taste his salty tears as he held me. “I love you so much, Blessing. Thank you.”
