Page 110 of The Same Flesh
But if something had happened to Daniel, Orsino would have told Tean.
Maybe the wolves had gotten Jemafterhe’d dropped off Daniel.Maybe they’d simply been watching Ammon’s house, seen an opportunity, and seized it.
Maybe.Maybe.Maybe.
Tean was so caught up in his worrying that he didn’t notice the vow book until he was standing next to it.Jem’s vow book.
“Where did you get this?”Tean turned and asked his dad.
His dad was sitting stiffly now, the tablet forgotten in one hand.“I was looking for a spoon.It was right there in the drawer.”
Tean nodded as though this had been important information.He kept nodding.His brain was trying to catch up, but it was a greased wheel, and it just kept spinning.
“You weren’t going to tell me,” his dad said.And his tone was hurt.
Hurt.
After everything,hewas hurt.
Tean turned and limped toward the bedroom.
“But let me guess,” his dad said.“You were going to invite your mother.”
Tean’s laughter sounded bent.He shook his head.“I’m too tired to talk about this with you.”
Silence.And the sounds of his dad shifting on the sofa.And then, in a tone that was both tentative and belligerent in a way that reminded Tean of Daniel, his dad said, “Of course you are.Because you never want to talk about anything that makes you uncomfortable.”
Let it go, Tean told himself.You’re in pain.You’re exhausted.You’re about half a second away from being completely dysregulated.Just let it go, and you can handle him later.
But somehow, he found himself pivoting.
His dad still sat on the sofa, twisted around to face Tean.His face was dark with emotion.
“I don’t want to talk about things that make me uncomfortable?”Tean asked.“Me?I’m the one who doesn’t want to do that?”
For a moment, Tean’s dad wavered.But then something hardened in his expression.“No.You don’t.From the minute you decided you were gay—”
“I didn’tdecideI was gay!”
“As soon as you told this family that you were gay, that was it.The end of the conversation.We weren’t allowed to talk about it with you.”
“Because I don’t need you telling me that I’m going to hell and that you’re ashamed of me and that you think I’m disgusting.I heard it for twenty years, Dad, everything you thought about me before you knew you were talking about me.I know what you think.So, you’re right: I don’t want to talk to you about that.It’s not a topic that’s open for conversation.”
“That’s not what I think about you—”
“Bullshit!Bullshit!That is such fucking bullshit!Don’t you dare try to—try to gaslight me right now!”
“You always know everything, don’t you?You know everything that everyone else thinks and feels.You’re a mind reader.”
“I know what you think and feel because you told me, ‘What’s the hardest part about rollerblading?Telling your parents you’re gay.’That was when I was twelve, Dad.I don’t need to be a mind reader.”
“And when we went to Vegas.When we were supposed to be having a nice family trip, and everyone was excited for you because you and Ammon were finally figuring things out, you wouldn’t talk about that, either.”
“We weren’t figuring things out.He was afraid I wouldn’t let him keep screwing up my life, so he was doing what he always does: he was manipulating me and controlling me and forcing himself into my life.And nobody would help me except Jem.”
Shock rippled across his dad’s features.And then anger flowed in behind it.“Well, we didn’t know that!How were we supposed to know that when you won’t talk to us about anything?”
“You know what, Dad?You’re right.I won’t let you talk to me about anything.We’re certainly not talking about this.”
