Page 44 of The Monster I Am
I’m not strong enough to let love rip me apart. There’s no instruction manual to put pieces of broken hearts and souls back together.
And the hardest truth to admit is that I crave it.
I want to feel love, to be more than just a name. I want someone to look at me like the sun shines out of my rectal cavity and be the reason they are happy. Unconditionally, though. Not for protection, or friendship, or out of loyalty.
Just for… me. Love me without strings attached.
And I don’t know if I deserve it.
There’s four unread messages from Rylan sitting in my inbox and I swear my ass cheeks clench in fear that I’ll accidentally open our chat and notify him whenever I go to respond to Arch.
Tai has been messaging too and, bless his heart, he’s also been left on the dreaded unread. I have no idea if he knows about Rylan’s confession but I might actually lose my shit if he does and suddenly this is a tag team world championship event and I have two declarations to stress over.
Wow—is that vain of me or what?
I let out a meek, pathetic sound when my phone starts ringing, but quickly exhale with relief at the sight of Soph’s name flashing on the screen.
“... Hello?” I answer slowly, full of suspicion.
“Hey, cutie pie,” she replies. “Did you really ditch me today? I fully had plans to convince you to tag along to the beach this weekend.”
“Beach?” I ask, amused. “Since when does Willowbrook have a beach?”
“Oh, don’t give me that bologna,” Soph says. “We all know I’m your ride-or-die and you’ll share the beach with me. I’m super keen to try out my new bathing suit. And I might be looking for an excuse to get out of this house.”
I sigh heavily, shuffling to get comfortable on the bed. “Your dad's still being an asshole?”
“Yep,” she confirms. “And Tai said something about Ry’s dad coming over since he’s back from his work trip. So, it’s either beach or breakdown. I don’t have the energy this close to finals to spiral. That requires at least seven business days' notice.”
“Valid,” I agree. “Beach, it is.”
“Thank you. Now, why didn’t I see your pretty face today? My brother has been insufferable because of it. Frankly, Bexley Spencer, you should be thinking of me. If I murder your boyfriend, I make no apologies.” Pausing, she snorts before continuing, “Unless you need me to specify whichboyfriendI mean?”
I bury my head into the bed with a groan. “Don’t start that again.”
Soph cackles quietly. “It’s my official job as sister-in-law to taunt you. It’s our love language. Though,” she trails off, suddenly making a gagging noise. “I think it’s yours and theirs too. Shit—am I the problem here? No, no. Definitely not. Tai is the problem.”
“Pretty sure I’m the common denominator,” I grumble. “But that’swhyI’m in hiding.”
“What?” Her voice is tight, sharp. “Did they do something to you? I swear to the Kindle Gods I’ll wrangle their ball sacks and tie them into pretty little bows if they have.”
I sit up, tucking my legs criss-cross applesauce under me. Full attention is needed for this next part.
“Rylan told me he loved me yesterday.”
Dead silence.
And some more.
I actually pull the phone away from my ear to check she’s still on the line, silently half-hoping that the call dropped out and she didn’t hear it.
“Holy shit,” she whispers. “You’re in full crisis mode. That makes sense. I’d totally do the same. Do I need to pack a bag? I can be there in ten minutes to smuggle you across state lines.”
“I appreciate the kidnapping plot but I don’t think this is something I can run from,” I say begrudgingly. “I’m just freaking out.”
The sound of jingling metal reaches my ears. “I’m on the way. We need an emergency girls’ night. Do you want me to grab Abby?”
“She’s with Arch,” I tell her. “Let’s leave the two normal lovebirds alone. I’m too much of a natural disaster to ruin their little bubble.”
