Page 87 of The Monster I Am
A plastic cup is shoved toward me and I fumble to grab it as my brain’s blue wheel of death swirls in circles. “What?”
Elliott taps the ticket. “You got this. Start with the syrups.”
“Right,” I mumble, glancing at the order. “I guess I’ll start with the seven pumps of vanilla.”
Chapter twenty-eight
Bexley
Friday rolls around… or Tuesday. Actually, maybe it’s Sunday? No, that can’t be right because I have classes.
It’s official. I’ve lost track of what day it is. At this stage I’m confident I’d also lose my head if it wasn’t permanently attached to my shoulders.
Apparently I took the sleep deprivation challenge a little too far. I thought I was tiredbefore. Turns out I wasverywrong. At least I guessed correctly that adding a job into the mix would be hard work and exhausting. But nothing could quite prepare me. It’s the expert level of fatigue. My exhaustion has exhaustion.
I’ve worked morning shifts every day this week. I’m already a pro at sneaking out of my house without waking whoever has stayed over. Though, to be fair, it’s not that difficult to sneak out on Tai. The real challenge is untangling myself from his limbs. I was also shocked to find out he sleep talks. He should really thank me—because two nights ago when I was doom scrolling to make myself tired he started muttering something about ‘the dude in the corner of the room’. I was three seconds away fromeither strangling him for giving me a heart attack or bolting from the house to leave him to deal with whatever entity was chilling in the corner of my bedroom.
Seriously. Thank your lucky stars, Tai Beckett.
Rylan is an early bird though. After I successfully left him in my bed, he started setting an alarm when he stayed over. We’re a power couple now—I go to work and he goes for a run. It’s disgusting if you ask me, but he seems to enjoy the death cardio so you do you, boo.
Hunter on the other hand has surprised me. He seems the type to wake up at the tiniest peep. But I have a feeling he’s emotionally drained. After having dinner with Peyton, he came around last night, and I swear he’s getting grouchier and more tense with each passing day. That’s the impression I got this morning anyway when he texted me at work to scold me for not waking him.
Yeah—not on my watch. Get that beauty sleep, boy. One of us should.
Hazel has been kind enough to give me tomorrow off even though weekends are one of their busier days. It will be my first official day off and after the warehouse fights tonight, I’ll probably need it.
Soph invited me over after the fights to spend the night at their house. Loose on the shared domain because I’ve been told Tai does not exist unless she’s reading.Dedicated Girl Time.
Thankfully their semen demon has gone out of state so I reluctantly agreed. The decision was even harder when Tai texted me during American Lit to pass on Mary’s request and asking what I wanted for dinner.
“Do you want to make any changes?” Arch asks, waving the fight list in front of me. “Are you microsleeping?”
“I think so,” I mumble quietly, shaking my head to clear it. “I needed that twenty second nap.” Taking the list from him, I run my eyes over the names. “Looks good. Add me to the lineup too.”
He halts. “Sorry. I think I’m delusional now. What did you say?”
“Very funny,” I shoot back. “I want to fight.”
Arch raises an eyebrow. “In your current state? Bex, come on. Be sensible.”
I try to muster a glare but fail miserably at his concerned expression. “It’s not the same as last time, Arch. Besides, this is my version of self-care. I need to do something after the long week I’ve had.”
“Look I’m all for self-care,” he argues. “But you know fighting involves a certain amount of physical strength. I just don’t want you to accidentally get hurt again.”
“I won’t.”
“You can’t promise that.”
Sighing, I relax in my chair. “I know. But I need this, Arch. Ireallyneed this. Ever since Mom died I’ve felt like everyone just sees me as though I’m the poor little orphan. At least I could prove myself here. But that’s changed too.”
Arch frowns. “What are you saying?”
“I don’t know,” I murmur. “Just that I don’t feel like myself right now. My entire life has changed over the past few months and I want to make sure I don’t lose myself. Fighting is who I am. And short of sparring in the hallways here, I don’t know what else to do.”
“Dean Lannister would expel you in an instant.”
“Exactly.” I nod. “Which is why I need to do this. Not just for me but for my reputation. That loss stung. But I can live with failing every once in a while. The hardest part is now that I’m with Hunter, Tai, and Rylan, I don’t want people to see me differently.”
