Page 51 of The Monster I Am
The awkward tension I feel after voicing the words out loud could be measured on the Richter scale because it feels like I might detonate. I already regret them, wishing I could take them back. But Bexley leans forward, clutching my hand.
“Well, we did almost die together,” she jokingly mutters. “Trauma bonds can be tough to fight.”
I scan her face, the small smile easing some of the suffocation. “Do you want me to hang around tonight? Just in case Max shows back up or something.”
Or something.
“Okay,” she murmurs, squeezing my hand. “But if Max turns up, I might use you as a javelin to throw at him.”
After ordering some takeout and discussing the Max situation further, I find myself facing Bexley, the two of us laying on her bed. Music is playing from her speaker in the corner and I recognize it as that band Ry likes. He never misses a chance to force us to listen to them when he’s in charge of the tunes. Asshole. Though, I’ll admit, they are pretty good. But it pisses him off when I diss them.
The sweet smell of lavender and apples is slowly pushing me to the brink of insanity, damp hair clinging to the sides of her face while she holds me with captivating eyes. Perhaps I shouldn’t have declined the offer to use her shower. She’s got me fucked up because being under a stream of ice cold water is where I need to be right now. Laying next to her, I’m rock hard and trying not to make it obvious.
Trauma bond indeed.
“Do you still think about that night?” Bexley asks softly, the glow of her lamp casting warm light on her face.
“All the time,” I admit. “I can’t escape it.”
She smiles bitterly. “Me either. It was easily the scariest night of my life.”
“Mine too,” I admit. “But I’m glad you were there with me.”
Bexley breaks out a sudden grin. “That’s bullshit, Hunter, and you know it. I bet you wished it was anyone else but me.”
I push up on my elbow, keeping my eyes locked on hers. “At first? Abso-fucking-lutely. But now I realize that anyone else, maybe with the exception of Ry and T, probably would have let me burn to save themselves.” My fingers find a scar on her arm, the skin still red but mostly healed. I run my fingertip across the mark, heart starting to race when I notice her breathing quickens at my touch. “This will fade over time.”
I’m surprised when she mimics my movements, soft hand tracing a matching scar of my own. “I thought you got out in time,” she mutters. “Before the fire could hurt you.”
Shit. She doesn’t know.
Reaching down, I run my hand over her outer thigh, along another scar. “I have no regrets,” I murmur, voice low.
Confusion spreads across her features, but before I can tell her the truth, my body moves on its own and I do the unthinkable.
I fucking kiss her.
Not because I’m avoiding telling her.
But because I want to.
The moment I press my lips to hers, she’s kissing me back with equal intensity. My rational thoughts that say this is a bad idea and we should stop are drowned out. But I don’t think I want to. Or maybe it’s that I can’t. All I know is something changed between us that night and, since then, every inch of my sanity has been stretched and put to the test until I’ve finally snapped.
A moan catches in Bexley’s throat and the simple sound sends my nerves into a frenzy. I squeeze her thigh, digging my fingers into the scars while my tongue ravages her mouth.
Fuck breathing. I’d rather suffocate than stop to take a breath right now. I could rip open my throat and I’d still try to whisper her name because it would be less painful than stopping.
Bexley slides her leg over my hip, my hand still firmly parked on her thigh. I’m agonizingly aware how easily I could slip my fingers inside the inseam of her pajama shorts. How effortless it would be tofeel her.
I have no idea what’s wrong with me. The only thing I’m certain of is that Hunter Lannister died that night in the fire.
Now, I just don’t know if I’m in heaven or hell. And I decide I really don’t care where I am as long as I get to stay.
Chapter sixteen
Tai
“I’ll end you and your dumbass squad,” Rylan grunts.
