Page 60 of Duchess Needed
Relief moved through her first – which was annoying because she had resolved to be calm and composed in order to paint a dignified picture upon his arrival.
Behind the relief, however, was a wariness that she had earned, and she did was glad that had remained at least.
“You are home,” she noted for no particular reason.
“I am,” he nodded, studying her attention for some reason. “You look pale.”
“I am quite well.”
He appeared as unconvinced as Maude had been, but clearly resolved not to push the matter any further, nodded as he turned away. “I should go and change. It was a rather long ride –”
“I would like to speak with you.”
She had not planned to say it that directly, or that soon, but the words were already in the air between them and she realized she was glad she uttered it. She was tired of navigating around the perimeter of what she was actually thinking.
He stilled, his tone hesitant. “Phoebe –”
“I will not keep you long,” she assured, with a calm that sounded too solid to be hers. “But I believe what I have to say is reasonable. I hope you will hear me out.”
He stared at her for a long, quiet moment. Then he gave a brief nod.
She felt her hands inch towards her skirt, aching to be busied, but she forced herself to keep still and face him head on.
“You were gone for a week,” she began slowly. “The explanation I received was that you had business matters in the city. That may be true, but I have no way of knowing. What I do know is that you left the morning after... the morning after things were changed between us. You left without speaking to me and later, you sent word through the housekeeper. And you were gone for several days without any further communication. I do not think it is unreasonable to want to understand why.”
“Phoebe.” He spoke in a measured voice. “There were things that required my attention. I know you do not like that you were not informed in a timely manner but I can hardly keep myself from handling my businesses.”
“Then attend to them,” she huffed, indignantly. “I am not asking you to neglect your obligations. I am asking why you left without a word after that night, and why your means of communicating with me was through the housekeeper and not directly. I am your wife. I deserve more than a second-hand message.”
Something moved across his face – too quick to be deciphered and she felt regretful that she had no idea what it might be.
“Do not be ridiculous!” Edward snapped, startling her. “You are right that we are married, but you should not mistake the terms of what we are. This is an arrangement, Phoebe. It was always an arrangement. I believed that we had both understood the natureof our relationship from the beginning. Do we need to revisit our terms?
The words landed coldly, the cutting cruelty of them deliberate and she could only stand helplessly and endure the pain.
“No,” she shook her head quietly. “We do not.”
Edward sighed, long and tiredly, before he spoke up again.
“I am not trying to be unkind. But we cannot allow one evening to rewrite the nature of what this is. We both came into this with clear expectations and I think it is better if we stay within the –”
“What will you do,” she asked suddenly, voicing a particularly venomous thought that had plagued her for quite a while now, “When you have your heir?”
He stopped, his eyes staring at her blankly.
“After,” she continued, with a steadiness that cost her more than she would ever let him see. “When the child is here and the dukedom is secured. What happens then? What happens to us?”
“We will keep our distance,” Edward said eventually, almost resigned. “I intend to leave this estate and dwell elsewhere, while the child is raised here with you. I think that would be best. For both of us. You would have the estate, the title, every comfort –”
She nodded, no longer hearing him as she turned away, willing herself not to cry. She would not give him the satisfaction of knowing that he had reduced her to a pitiful mess. Still, the devastation was hard to bear, so she walked away from him as quickly as possible, keeping her face down so no one else would see her.
As she made her way back into the house, she felt utterly pathetic as she kept hoping he would call her back. She prayed she would hear her name, that he would regret his cowardice and confess that he felt the same as she did.
But he did not and that hurt even more than what she had been told in the brief moment during their reunion.
Edward watched her go with his feet rooted where he stood in front of the doorway, his heart falling to pieces around him.
He tried to tell himself that he had said what needed to be said. He was certain of this. This was the best course of action, for the both of them.
