Page 64 of Duchess Needed
“Come,” she beckoned Phoebe, pointing at the vacant seats arranged beneath the pavilion at an end of the garden. “You can rest for a bit while Rowland brings you something to drink. And perhaps some crackers as well.”
Rowland looked surprised to have been given such a task but he did not argue as Anna led Phoebe away.
She was relieved to be sitting, feeling the unsteadiness that had been rumbling within her calm slightly and she inhaled deeply, working to breathe as slowly as she could.
“What is wrong sister? Are you and the duke in a quarrel of some sort?” Anna asked gently.
Phoebe tried to appear unaffected as the question hung in the air, only tilting her head slightly as she question in turn,
“What makes you say that?”
Anna sighed deeply, shuffling closer to hold Phoebe’s hand.
“It is clear that there is something troubling you. And when we saw him earlier, he was… distant. If there is something wrong, Iwould like to help you in any way I can. But I won’t be able to if you do not talk to me. You are so resilient and brave sister, but I fear that you have begun to take on more than you can handle, with no intentions of relying on others. And that will only lead to your demise.
“We are so grateful… for all that you have done for us, but it would hardly be enjoyable if you are getting hurt in the process. We cannot rejoice when our sister is in pain. Talk to me and perhaps we might find a way to fix this.”
Phoebe kept her eyes on the guests, unintentionally locating the hosts among the cluster of people they had invited.
They looked so… happy together, so utterly in love and inseparable. Why couldn’t Phoebe have what they did? Was she so unlucky, doomed to lose every bit of love she cherished?
First her parents perished and now, her husband did not want her? Why was she simply unfortunate and undesirable?
“I do not think you can fix it, Anna,” she whispered, unable to tear her eyes away from the scenery that cut her heart into pieces. “I do not think there is a remedy from loving someone who does not love you back.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
“Oh, Phoebe,” Anna gasped, her expression clouding with dismay.
Phoebe quickly shook her head, hoping to dissuade her sister from feeling the exact same emotions she had fought off for so long – pity.
“I should have known better,” she whispered furiously. “I knew that I had responsibilities and requirements – and if I had focused on those instead of being distracted by the silly matters my heart desired, I would not have been so weak as to find myself in this pathetic situation.”
“That is hardly your fault,” Anna told her sadly. “You cannot help who you want. You have no say in how your heart makes decisions over its affairs. All you can do is deal with the aftermath and come to a conclusion on what is to be done concerning what you have discovered. Will you tell him?”
The very thought of showing Edward her bloody, bruised heart that trembled at the very inkling of his mentioned name made Phoebe feel even sicker than she had been earlier. The idea mortified her to no end.
“I cannot!” she hissed. “What would he think of me then? He had explicitly drawn a line between us and I went ahead to put myself in such an unsavory situation. He doesn’t love me, Anna, and he never will. I thought that we could at least be companions during this marriage but he has made it quite clear he has no sort of interest in me – not beyond the matter that I was married for. All he needs from me is to do as he expects.”
Phoebe wished the words did not cut her as she said them. She wished she felt brave enough to face what lay ahead of her, as boldly as she wanted to be. But with every passing moment that dawned in the light of her realization of her feelings for her husband, she could not help but crave him.
She wanted Edward to look at her only, to worry about her and mean it, to say that she was his – in every sense of the word. And every second that passed without that reality, was a second closer to the demise she was certain her broken heart would lead to.
But still... a part of her did not mind perishing at the mercy of her feelings.
“Phoebe, that is no better than sentencing yourself to a fate worse than death. Those feelings will smother you, sister. Even if he doesn’t return them, they deserve to see the light of day andbe given a chance to flee eventually when you learn to let them go. If you hide them, you will only make yourself miserable and eventually, it will put a strain on your relationship,” Anna said gently, still holding onto her hands, her grip tight and somewhat shaky.
Phoebe felt somewhat guilty for being a cause of concern.
“Forget about it. It is rather shameful of me to bring up such a childish concern. Regardless of what happens or what I feel, I will ensure that our marriage perseveres. I will not let you or Rowland down,” she stated resolutely.
“Let us down? Whatever do you mean?” Rowland questioned, finally arriving with a glass of what appeared to be cold water and some crackers and cheese with thin slices of ham.
“You took your time, brother,” Anna eyed him warily as retrieved the glass of water and handed it over to Phoebe. “Did you get lost on your way to the table that was quite litereally meters ahead of you?”
Rowland eyed her in annoyance and sniffed. “No, I merely thought it would be better to get her something she would be able to take in easily. Water is a much better option and given the mildly hot weather we are having today, it would be best if the water was cold. And crackers might be easy to ingest but they lack substance.”
Phoebe managed a smile of appreciation after she had drank most of the water offered to her.
