Page 25 of Claimed in Sin
"I mean it. Marry me instead." He grabs my hips and blinks a few times, looking out the fogged window before turning back. "I think I love you, Marina. And I don't want to lose you. Don’t marry that jerk. He doesn't even care about you. He doesn’t want you the way I do."
It's supposed to be every woman's dream to hear a man confess his undying love to her and have him propose. But instead of feeling warmed and needed, I feel strangely hurt by this. Stepan knows I can't just abdicate my duty to my family and ignore the consequences. I've explained all of this to him. What would my father say? What would my family do?
Maksim would destroy us, and then what? All so I could have amazing sex?
I don't know Stepan. Hell, I don’t even know his last name—which I've done on purpose because I need insulation from this, from the emotional entanglement I've obviously let myself get messed up in.
"No," I say softly, turning my head. "I can't."
I feel the air being sucked out of his car as his chest deflates. I'm sure it took a lot of courage to ask me that, or maybe it was irrational impulsivity. Either way, my choice is the same. I hate the facts, but it doesn’t change them. I have to marry Maksim. It's what’s best for my family.
"Okay," he says gently, and he reaches between us and tucks his dick away. Zipping up, he says, "I honestly understand..." But he sounds sad—really sad.
It yanks my heart right out of my chest as more tears fall. I reach for the door handle, wondering if this is the last time I see him. He knows there is no point in pursuing anything more with me. My answer will be the same no matter what. This can only be a fling—only a rush and a thrill for a short time until I have to do the right thing.
"I'm sorry," I mumble as I open the door and climb out.
But before I stand all the way, he grabs my wrist. "Rina," he says quietly, "when can I see you again?"
I straighten, glancing up the alley, and then sigh. "You know I can't be anything but a fling, Stepan. I'm getting married in just over four months. Why do this to yourself?" I search his expression but only see earnest expectation.
"I told you. I want to enjoy every second of you before you have to walk away... Okay? So can I just enjoy you a bit longer?"
It breaks my heart to see him struggling, but I see how plainly he tries to hide his emotion. He really does love me. And I'm really going to destroy his heart if he keeps holding on to me. But how do I look in those eyes of love and say no?
"Okay," I mumble, and it twists like a knife because I realize I’m falling in love too. My duty is a double-edged sword cutting both of us. I hate it, and I hate Maksim Orlov for being the one I am forced to leave Stepan for.
"Good... Now go delete those images from your phone before someone sees them and your world blows up. I'll text you later." He presses two fingers to his lips in a kiss, then holds them out to me. I wrap my pointer finger around them for a second, then turn and walk away.
The most amazing man in the world is in love with me and I can’t even have him. The worst part is, he's going to love me so perfectly, it makes me hate myself for saying goodbye to him, all to his own pain.
I am a wretch.
I deserve hell.
12
STEPAN
Isit in the car watching Marina walk back around the corner into the bridal shop without looking at me. I knew before I opened my mouth that she would say no, and I knew better than to ask, but something came over me. It's one thing to get her to sneak away and be with me. But she willingly volunteered her body in a risky way. If her father or Orlov have monitors on her phone, she could get in a lot of trouble, and those pictures weren't even that racy.
But Marina has a pure heart and a good soul. Her family is running scared and being edged out by the Radin organization’s growth. Asking her to marry me instead of Orlov is asking her to desert her father who gave her life. I was stupid to push her, and I'm lucky she agreed to see me again. I'm taking it too far, too fast, because I’m impulsive and stubborn. And because I think I really do love her.
My heart feels heavy as I climb over the center console and slide into the driver's seat, making a fresh whiff of her scent billow up around me. I can see easily now how Kazimir got so carried away with Zora to let her into his inner world so quickly. We arefoolish men to fall so hard for women we shouldn't have or want. But here I am in a similar boat. He should've been more careful vetting Zora, and I should have been more careful keeping my heart guarded.
The gym is quiet when I walk in, though I hear Kazimir hitting the heavy bag. He doesn't seem to hear me right away as I slink to the locker room and change into my shorts and T-shirt. As I’m walking out, I wrap my wrists and decide I'll join him on the bags for a while.
"You're going to break that bag," I grumble at him, noticing how off I sound. Not that long ago, I was the one tearing into him for being foolish. I have a feeling when my family learns how bad I have it for this girl, I’ll never hear the end of it.
"Good." Kaz gives the bag a one-two punch and I watch it spin a few times, but as I take to my own bag, hitting hard and fast, I know it's not going to help me kill this anger.
Men who are in touch with their emotions would just be sad. Some may drink or use drugs to kill the pain, but I just get mad. I get so mad I could kill. It may be why I'm in the role I'm in, working with Roman, but while that anger is useful to others, it does nothing but hinder me.
"You want to hit something that hits back?" he asks, holding his bag still. He stares at me as I give the bag a few more stiff blows and decide he's right. Sparring always helps me, and I know it helps him. There's a reason we both show up at this place at times, and tonight, I just need a good distraction.
I step away from the bag and turn around. Kazimir is already taping his hands, pulling the wrap between his fingers and around his wrists. He flicks a glance up at me and I scowl.
"What are you staring at?" I snarl, walking to the wall to turn the lights on. They flicker to life and buzz as I climb into the ring, ignoring the fact that I have no gloves or headgear on.
