Page 46 of Collins
There’s a Blue Jay. I don’t know where I am, but I can see his wings flapping, the bright blue of his feathers are easy todistinguish in the darkness. Something hurts, everything hurts, someone is here beside me, but I can’t see them. I can hear breathing. It’s a man, and he’s breathing heavily. I hate him, he’s a bad man. But the Blue Jay tells me everything is going to be okay. Open your eyes, it’s okay. Open your eyes. You’re okay now. Open your eyes.
My body jerks and light stabs me, but when he comes into focus, my now rampant heart starts to steady. Collins lies on the floor beside me with a worried look on his face.
“Sorry, I must have fallen asleep,” I say, and he leans up, resting his chin on his fist.
“You were talking in your sleep. You almost sounded like you were in pain. You scared me.” He rubs his hand gently over my shoulder,
“I was dreaming. It must have been a bad dream. It’s been a long day. I think I’m just exhausted.”
We both sit up and I have a blanket on me that wasn’t there when I fell asleep.
Collins eyes dart to the paper on the floor, and I hurry to grab it, tucking the letter back into the envelope.
“You didn’t read that, did you?”
“I didn’t, but you did.”
I nod my head and stare at my hands.
“Are you okay?”
“She said she knows why I left.”
“Okay.” He looks like he’s afraid to say the wrong thing, or have the wrong reaction. “Umm, do you want to talk about it?”
Tears are hitting my hand before it even registers that I’m crying and I shake my head. “I do want to talk about it. I want to tell you everything—Nan wants me to tell you everything. And I will, but?—”
Collins covers my hands with his own. “It’s been a long day like you said. It’s okay, take your time. I’m ready to listen when you’re ready to talk. I’m not going anywhere.”
I smile and wipe my eyes. “Take me to your house, please? I want to get out of here and just clear my mind.”
He stands up and reaches out for me. I place my hands in his as he guides me to my feet.
“I packed a bag, can we stay at your place tonight?”
He doesn’t have a chance to answer before there’s a knock at the door.
Collins places a hand on my shoulder. “I’ll get it.”
“Thank you.” Whoever it is, I definitely don’t feel like having company right now.
I’m heading back to the bedroom, knowing he’ll take care of whoever it is. But then I hear the voice, and everything comes to a halt, blood rushing to my ears. A very familiar voice. Slowly, I turn, taking in the scene I never thought I’d see: Collins stands on one side of the doorway, and Greg stands on the other. It looks like they’re having a standoff, and I remain frozen.
Greg sticks a hand out. “Hi, I’m Greg. I’m here to check on Johnnie. Is she here?”
Collins just looks over his shoulder at me, anguish written all over his face. “She’s in here, come on in.”
Greg walks through the door and it’s bizarre seeing him here, in this trailer. He doesn’t know this part of my life at all. Honestly, I was perfectly content with him only knowing the side of me that existed when I was in Texas. Truthfully, they’re two different people. What is he doing here? I haven’t seen him in months. He raises his eyes and they meet mine, his demeanor immediately relaxing.
“Hey.” He raises a hand slightly, his suit jacket draped over his arm. “My flight was delayed. Sorry I missed the service, but I just wanted to check on you.”
It’s very kind of him. He’s a kind man. But I really don’t feel like dealing with this at the moment. I glance over, and Collins is standing at the kitchen counter, leaning against it, arms crossed over his puffed-out chest, a scowl on his face.
“Oh, that wasn’t necessary, Greg…but thank you, I’m fine.” I slowly walk toward them and gesture to Collins. “Greg, this is Collins.”
Greg looks over at him again, about to say something, when suddenly there’s confusion clouding his vision. He furrows his brows a bit. “Wait, don’t I know you?”
What the fuck?
