Page 15 of Collins
It’s delusional.
I grab a pillow and squeeze it to my chest, bringing my legs up and curling into a ball.
Warm tears meet my cheeks and the air I try breathing in feels too thick.
I can hear Bea make her way back in but don’t bother opening my eyes. She pulls a blanket over me, kisses me on the forehead, and tells me I’m going to be okay.
I hope she’s right, but at the moment it sure doesn’t feel that way.
CHAPTER 9
johnnie
THEN
“Where are we going?”I didn’t ask questions when Collins brought a helmet to my door, telling Nan we had plans and promising to return me in one piece. My curiosity is piqued now that we’ve been riding in silence for a while. Wind whipping my hair, glued to the back of his muscular frame, resting my chin on his shoulder. We took the four-wheeler straight from our place down to the lake at the end of the street, and we’ve been cruising along tall cattails on the water’s edge long enough for the sun to start kissing the horizon, leaving pink skies as a parting gift.
“Nowhere in particular, beautiful. It was just a shit day at work, my brothers are pissing me off, I was in my head. You’re the only one who quiets the noise these days.” He squeezes my knee. “I just needed my riding partner.”
My heart is going to explode. This boy.
He hasn’t told me much about his parents, and I don’t want to crack that conversation open before he’s ready. But something tells me his heavy thoughts stem from that. I wrap my arms tightly around his middle, smashing my face between his shoulder blades, squeezing my eyes shut and inhaling his scent.
“I’ll ride with you forever if it helps ease any of your burdens, Collins.” The truth behind those words is so overwhelming, tears threaten to make an appearance, but I manage to keep them in check.
He removes his hand from my thigh, grabbing my hands at his chest, unyielding, and starts slowing down. Just as we come to a stop, we separate, him leaning forward, me backward. Collins hops off and comes to stand beside me.
“You see that big rock over there?” He points to a large gray stone about twenty feet from the water, sitting off by itself.
“Growing up, Dad brought me and my brothers to this exact spot almost every weekend in the summer. It was his honey hole. We’d turn his old radio to his favorite AM station and listen to the Reds baseball games while we fished. We’d leave Mom at home to enjoy a testosterone-free house for the day, but we’d always bring our yellow lab, Lady, with us. She would run through this meadow by the water, chasing rabbits, then come and jump in the water scaring all the fish away. Sometimes, when I close my eyes at night, I swear I can still feel her beside me.
“She got cancer suddenly and died when I was twelve. Dad, Campbell, Crandall, and I brought her out here to our spot and buried her. Dad rolled that big rock from right along the water, to where we put her in the ground so we would always know where she was.” His eyes are sad, voice shaky, and the tears I had been keeping under control spill over.
“That’s one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard, Collins. I’m so sorry.”
“Sometimes I feel like everyone I love is just going to leave me, and the fear consumes me.” He pulls a can of chew from his back pocket and puts a dip in.
It’s then and there that I decide Collins makes everything sexy. I get a whiff of wintergreen and he holds a tiny bit out on the tip of his finger.
“Wanna try it?”
“Eww, no way.”
“Come on, be a rebel for once in your life.”
“How would you know how rebellious I am?”
“Okay, Johnnie, what’s the most scandalous thing you’ve ever done?”
I think about it for a second, nothing coming to mind, and give him a simultaneous eye roll and scowl.
He laughs. “That’s what I thought.” Stepping so close, I can feel his breath on my cheek, he lifts his finger to my mouth and my heart speeds up. I eye the chew, then as soon as my eyes catch his, he smirks and gently slides his finger between my lips, pushing until he reaches my lower gum line and presses the tobacco in place.
COLLINS
I don’t know what made me do it. My finger in her mouth, her hesitation so adorable. The trust she places in me is enamoring.
“I didn’t expect it to taste good.”
