Page 62 of After the Knockout
“Lyrius is carrying guilt.” Dr. Sy interrupted my thoughts. “You’re carrying pain.” His eyes landed on me. “Neither one of you can heal if you’re still living in the same moment.”
The words settled over both of us, and we just sat there quietly.
“Let’s try something.” Dr. Sy set his notebook down. “We’re gonna do a trust exercise.”
“What kind of exercise?” I immediately didn’t like this shit. Dr. Sy’s exercises always led to a damn confession or some shit.
“A simple one.” He pointed between us. “Turn your chairs and face each other.”
Lyrius and I exchanged a look before doing what he asked. The second we turned, our knees almost touched.
“Here’s what I want.” Dr. Sy glanced at his watch. “For the next minute, neither one of you may talk.”
“Easy.” Lyrius smirked.
“No jokes either, Dakota.”
I gasped as Lyrius giggled. “Damn.”
“Just look at each other.” He pulled out his phone. “One minute.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s it.” He started the timer. At first, it was awkward. Lyrius smiled. I smiled back. Then she laughed, and I laughed back. Then one minute turned into what seemed like three hours. And then, it was just her staring into my eyes, and all I could see was the first woman besides my foster mom to love me. The woman I’d spent years trying to hate. The woman I’d never stopped wanting.
A tear slipped down her cheek as she gazed at me and then another. I didn’t even hesitate. I just leaned forward and swiped them away with my thumb. She didn’t stop me, just kept staring at me. And for a second, I swore I could see everything she wasn’t saying, all the things she’d been carrying around by herself. And all I knew was that I didn’t want her carrying the shit alone anymore.
“Interesting.” Dr. Sy smiled, and the timer finally beeped. Neither one of us moved.
“What?” I asked.
“You two have a lot of love between you.” I nodded because I agreed. “More importantly,” he continued, “you both want this to work.”
“Is that a good place to start?” Lyrius glanced at him.
“That’s a great place to start.” He leaned forward in his chair. “I think y’all gonna be alright. Now, I also think y’all should keep seeing me.”
“That wouldn’t have nothing to do with your hourly rate, would it?”
“Maybe.” Dr. Sy laughed, and Lyrius did too. “I’m serious, though. Y’all still got a lot to unpack.” His eyes moved between us. “But I think y’all are moving in the right direction.” He reached into his bag, pulled out a business card, and handed it toLyrius. “This is my wife. She specializes in women’s counseling. If you’re up to it, I think you should see her.”
Lyrius stared at the card for a minute and then at me.
“Couples therapy is one thing, but independent healing is another,” he said.
“I’ll think about it.” Lyrius looked down at the card for another second before sliding it into her purse.
“Good.” Dr. Sy stood. “My assistant will reach out this week to get your next session on the books.” He looked at us. “Until then, try not to create any new trauma.”
“I ain’t making no promises,” I joked as we all stood. “Appreciate you coming out.” I extended my hand and Dr. Sy shook it.
“Appreciate you flying me out,” he replied.
“Y’all gonna be alright.” Dr. Sy looked between us one last time before shaking his head. Neither one of us responded, but for the first time in a long time, I think we both believed it.
“This is our first date.” Lyrius gasped as I pulled the takeout containers from the back seat. We were parked at the only beach in Shoreline that allowed cars. The sun had long ago set, and we seemed to be the only people out tonight.
“No it isn’t.” I smirked. I was fucking with her. This was absolutely our first date. Back then, I’d pulled up to her apartment two days after meeting her and told her to get in. We spent hours driving around the city before ending up at a little ducked-off spot near the beach. There’d been a guy selling sushi rolls from a cart nearby. Lyrius wanted some, so I bought them, and we sat on top of my car talking about everything. That was the night I realized she was different—made for me. I’d goneback and forth thousands of times, trying to decide if that night had been real or just a part of the game she was playing, but I decided it didn’t matter, because it had been real to me.
