Page 117 of Hard Count
Chapter Forty-Two: East Rutherford
Noah Reyes had been in the locker room for forty minutes before Coach Nelson came in. It was the first playoff game, and he had to separate the mess of his outing with the fact that he needed to win this game against New York.
He was dressed, pads, jersey, helmet on the bench beside him. The locker room was mostly empty. He was looking at the carpet between his cleats and not thinking about anything. Not about the photographs on the top of everyone's mind. Coach Nelson had taught him this discipline. Do not think about the ruin of your life until after the game.
Coach came in.
He went quiet at first. He sat down on the bench next to Noah and looked at the same piece of carpet Noah was looking at.
Coach Nelson was sixty-four and had been a famous tight end in the eighties. He was a calming force in Noah’s life and he felt at ease in his presence.
“Twenty minutes,” the coach said.
“I know.”
“Statement went out at seven.”
“Okay.”
“You don’t need to read it. We support you. The entire organization does, not just your teammates.”
Coach turned his head.
“We had to say something, Noah.”
“It’s fine. It’s what we agreed on.”
Then Coach said quietly, “You’re shaking.”
Noah looked down at his hands, they were shaking.
Noah said, “I’ve been not thinking about it since the photographs went up. I can’t.”
“I know.”
Noah sat forward. His forearms went back to his knees. He looked past Coach. He looked at the carpet. He said, in a voice Coach had not heard him use before, “He doesn’t know.”
“Doesn’t know what?” Coach asked.
Noah held his hands together, trying to stop the shaking.
“That I love him.”
Coach closed his eyes briefly as he took a moment.
“Noah. Look at me.”
Coach was leaning forward, elbows on his own knees now, his face level with Noah’s.
“He knows, son. I have watched you for years. I have watched you this season. I know what a guy looks like when he has stopped being alone in his own head. You stopped being alone in your own head in September. Hell, if falling in love with our rival quarterback is good for your game, fuck away.”
Noah laughed as his eyes filled with tears. It hit him harder coming from a hyper-masculine former star tight end now his coach.
Coach said, “You got twenty minutes. You know we all love you, Noah, right?”
“I know.”
“You want to crack, you crack now. You want to crack after, that needs to be after we win it ALL.”
