Page 86 of Hale Damage
Well, that name sours my mood again. “Mindy, huh?” I ask flatly, but Ambrosia doesn’t seem to notice. She’s too busy placing two of them on a pretty glass plate.
“Here you go. Would you like a coffee to go with that?”
I reluctantly take the damn cookies because I fucking want them. “Yes, black please.”
Two minutes later, I enter my executive suite and my already bad mood turns darker than midnight. Some asshole is perched on Mindy’s desk, obviously flirting with my goddamn assistant.
“...and that’s when I asked them not to take photos of me,” the man is saying. Mindy, to her credit, continues busily typing on her computer with a placid, obviously fake smile on her face as the guy chatters away. “I mean, I was just trying to do the right thing, you know?”
He receives a noncommittalmhmmmfrom my assistant before continuing his riveting tale. “I couldn’t just walk by and see an animal suffer because I’m not that kind of guy. I don’t know, some people might call me a hero, and maybe I am.”
This guy’s a complete douchenozzle. He’s sporting a haircut that’s circa 1992 boy band, and he’s wearing glasses. Not that glasses are necessarily a bad thing. Helix looks like Clark fucking Kent in his, andbefore he was married, women swooned all over the guy. That’s why we call them his slutty little glasses. But this guy’s spectacles make him look like a creeper who can only get off by peeking into women’s windows at night.
I’m ridiculously thrilled to see Mindy isn’t paying much attention to him, but then Spectacles Magoo says, “Anyway, enough about me. What are you doing for lunch today, Mindy? Because I have reservations at noon at this little spot not far from here.”
That’s when Mindy looks up from her computer and smiles at him. Fucking smiles! And yeah, that’s about all the bullshit I can tolerate, so I step further into the room.
“Excuse me, is this an office or a damn summer camp?” I growl. “Because if you’re about to braid each other’s hair or make friendship bracelets, I can come back later.”
Mindy’s head snaps toward me, and Spectacles Magoo stands so quickly he stumbles over his own feet, catching himself on one of the leather chairs at the last minute.
“Mr. Hale, so nice to see you, sir,” he says, straightening his jacket before holding out a hand. I flick my eyes down toward it before glaring into his face. If I wasn’t a complete psycho, I could set my stuff down and shake his hand, but I don’t, and he slowly lowers it.
“Who are you, and why are you in my office?”
Magoo looks like he’s about to piss himself. “I’m Dave Davis from accounting. I had to drop off some spreadsheets for Mindy.” He points to a large blue envelope on the corner of the desk.
I lift an unimpressed eyebrow. “Well,Dave from accounting, do I need to send one of the tech guys up to your floor to teach you how to attach a spreadsheet to an email?”
“Oh. No, sir. I know how to do that. I just thought printing them out and delivering them would encourage, um, better interpersonal relations within the office.”
I’m fully aware of what kind ofinterpersonal relationshe’s interested in with my assistant, and I don’t like it one fucking bit.
“What it does is waste paper and other valuable resources. Maybe you need to take our environmental responsibility course again.” I turn toward the woman sitting behind the desk with her lips rolled betweenher teeth. “Ms. Espinoza, can you getDave from accountingset up for that course this weekend?”
She releases her lips, and I can’t help but stare at the deep mauve lipstick she’s wearing. It’s a matte finish and looks perfect with her coloring.
“Sure thing, Mr. Hale.” She lowers her head and begins typing.
I shift my gaze back to the left. “What are you still doing here, Magoo?”
“Right. Yep. Going back to work now. Mindy, just drop by my office if you want to go to lunch.”
He scurries away like a rat, and as soon as he’s gone, Mindy breaks loose with a laugh that reminds me why I like her so much. Correction,liked, past tense.
“Magoo?”
“Full name Spectacles Magoo,” I tell her, a reluctant smile on my lips.
She slaps a dramatic hand to her forehead. “Oh my god, those glasses are terrible. I don’t like to be mean, but he’s giving Dahmer vibes.”
“I can’t argue with that.”
“Dave is really nice though. I can’t believe you’re making him re-take that environmental course. It’s eight hours long and a total snoozefest.” She taps her lips with a pink pen. “You know, everyone hates that course, which means it’s not very effective for its intended purpose. If everyone is in a daze, they’re not actually learning about our environmental efforts as a company.”
“It’s an important topic,” I argue.
“I agree, but maybe it can be done in a more effective way. The dude who narrates it sounds like that teacher fromFerris Bueller’s Day Off.” Then she adopts Ben Stein’s nasally voice. “Bueller… Bueller.”
